Food diary

I Herbalife shake made with 250mL lite Soy milk, 1 banana, 3 strawberries, 6 ice cubes, 2 scoops of vanilla nutritional mix and 1 dash of cinnamon

2 portions of honey roasted nut oats made with 125mL soy milk, 250mL water, 1 scoop Herbalife personalised protein powder, 1 tsp vanilla essence

Baby spinach, cherry tomatoes and scrambled eggs (2 eggs, 1/4 c soy milk) on two slices of wholegrain toast and topped with tomato relish + 1 small cookies and cream protein bar

1 packet of salt and vinegar Mini rice cakes, 1 apple and 1 Chobani Strawberry yoghurt

Beef cannelloni with boiled veggies (sweet potato, carrot, broccoli and peas)

Herbalife microwave mug cake (1 egg, 1/4 cup of milk, 1 tbs protein powder, 2 tbs cookies and cream nutritional shake mix) topped with natural greek yogurt

Throughout the day I also make sure I stay hydrated with plenty of water,  herbalife peach tea and herbalife Aloe concentrate I also take 4 different supplements, 3 times per day :)

Weekend plans

Its Saturday morning and I am just writing a quick post before I head to a pump gym class. My boyfriend is working today so we were both awake relatively early this morning. I am feeling totally energised after having my morning Herbalife Shake and bowl of delicious oats and my mind is nice and clear.

My parents are coming up to Launceston (where I live) today to bring my little sister to a school event so I am going to meet them somewhere for lunch. I havent seen them all for a while now so it will be good to catch up with them, especially since tomorrow is fathers day. It is also my birthday Monday so it will be good to see my family today as otherwise I wouldnt have seen them for my birthday at all.

Tomorrow my boyfriend and I are meeting with all of his family at a restaurant for lunch too, so that we can celebrate fathers day. I love it how Nathans family are all so close and family orientated. And I also love the way his parents and siblings have accepted me into the family so well. His parents just treat me like another one of their children and I really enjoy ataying with them and spending time with them. I am also really close to Nathans siblings, especially the brother and sister that I live with all the time.

I will also have to spend a fair bit of time studying this weekend also as I have two mid semester tests next week. Surprisingly I am not really feeling stressed out about them at all and I am managing to keep a really healthy balanced life, despite having tests coming up. It helps that I am feeling relatively prepared for these tests as I have been getting lots of productive study done over the last week or so.

This time a few years ago I wouldnt have been able to have a single break from studying as the guilt would have been to much for me to deal with and my anxiety levels would have been through the roof. I am feeling great at the moment now though and know that it isnt healthy to study as much as I used to. I still study of course and do my best, however now I have other things in my life that are important too which allows me to stay happy and healthy whilst at university.

So those are my weekend plans, nothing too exciting just a quiet weekend spending time with family and my wonderful boyfriend. I hope you have a great weekend :) xx

Feeling energised and motivated after resting and a Herbalife STS

Dragging myself out of bed last Thursday morning was really hard. Ever since starting Herbalife I have been bouncing out of bed each morning but for some reason I was feeling really tired and unmotivated. I had been studying really hard all week as well as going to the gym each day and working and I think that I was just mentally and physically exhausted.

I felt a little better after having my Herbalife shake so decided to go to my regular Thursday morning 'body attack' gym class. My legs were a bit sore before I even got there and during the class they just wouldn't do what I wanted them to do. They were heavy and slow and simple things that were usually effortless, seemed like massive efforts. Somehow, I managed to get through the 45 minute gym class but it was so hard, but not even in a good workout type of hard way.

I went home and studied for the rest of the day, barely leaving my room but by mid afternoon, I was starting to feel really nauseous. At times I actually thought I was going to be sick I felt so unwell but luckily I didnt vomit. My boyfriend arrived just before dinner time and the first thing he said to me was that I looked really tired. Thats when I knew that I had been doing too much and that I had worn myself out.

After a good nights sleep I felt quite a bit better however I knew that my body needed a rest day, so thats exactly what I gave it. Unfortunately I wasn't able to give my brain a rest day too as I had too much happening at uni with assignments due and lectures to watch but not exercising while still eating lots was exactly what I needed.

I went out for dinner with my boyfriend and another friend of ours and we had a really nice night. And despite the face I had quite a few drinks that night and only got about 6 hours aleep, I woke up the next morning feeling like a million dollars. I got up early, made my herbalife shake as well as breakfast for my boyfriend and an hour later we were on our way to Hobart.

I was going to Hobart to attend a Herbalife STS (Success Training Seminar) and luckily my incredible boyfriend said he would drive me down as I had no idea how to get to the place where the function was being held. It was an incredible day with lots of speakers sharing their success stories as well as learning about all of the products Herbalife offer. I got to try some new Herbalife products, which were all delicious (but now I just want to buy more products which I cant really afford haha!)

There was an ex professional AFL footballer there who uses and distributes Herbalife so it was good to hear him talk about his journey and the advice he offered about going for your dreams was unbelievable. There were so many people there with inspirational stories that I couldn't help but feel inspired, to continue actively chasing my dreams and proving to everyone, as well as myself that I can do anything I set my mind to. Whether it be make a full recovery from anorexia, finish my uni degree or get fitter and stronger.

After such a big day I was feeling tired by the time I got home so I made myself some tea andvpretty much went to bed. My boyfriend stayed up watching tv and I tried to watch it with him but I couldnt keep my eyes open so just slept. I felt great when I woke up the next morning though so decided to go and do a quick 45 minute workout at the gym. After a two day break from exercise my energy levels were great and my body felt properly recovered too as my joints and muscles were no longer sore. It was a very successful workout and I really enjoyed it too.

When I got back home my boyfriend and I went to watch his sister play football and we also bought lunch at the bakery. It was a beautiful and sunny day so it was really nice to stand outside and absorb some heat, something that is quite rare in a Tasmanian winter. We then just headed back home and rested for the rest of the afternoon/night.

This week is mid semester break which means I dont have an university classes however I do have two mid semester tests next week so will have to spend most of the week studying for those. I hope everyone has a great week and remember to rest if your body or mind need it! :) xx

Eating healthily and exercising

A common misconception is that people who eat healthily and work out want to lose weight. I have received various different comments over the last couple of months about what I eat and the exercise I do. People say things like 'you dont have to go to the gym, you are already skinny' or 'why do you only eat healthy foods, you dont need to lose weight.' 

What these people fail to realise is that I dont eat healthily or exercise because I am trying to lose weight. In fact I am actually trying to gain weight at the moment. I do these things however because I love and respect my body and want to keep it healthy and strong. 

Eating healthy foods does NOT necessarily cause weightloss if you are still getting enough calories. It just means that the foods you eat nourish your body and make you feel more energetic, instead of harming your body and making you feel lethargic and slugish.

Similarily, exercise does NOT lead to weight loss as long as you are fueling your body with enough energy. The health benefits of being physically active are endless and include things like disease prevention and more efficient respiratory, cardiovascular and metabolic functioning. As well as improving your physical health, exercise also has the ability to improve mental health.

I suppose an important question to ask yourself if you have had an eating or exercise disorder before is 'why am I exercising?' or 'why do I eat healthily?' If the honest answer is because you enjoy these things and want to nourish your body and allow it to be healthy and strong, then I see no reason why you shouldn't be doing these things. 

If however your honest answer to these questions are more 'disordered' reasons, then I would question whether you should be eating healthily or exercising, as doing these things will most likely be destructive to you and your mental health.

On top of the world

After having quite a bad cold for most of last week, I have been feeling particularly incredible this week with more energy then I can remember having for a long time. I seemed to recover from my cold really quickly and I believe that this is purely due to how well I am looking after myself at the moment. Through resting, keeping up with my Herbalife products as well as eating lots of nutritious foods, I suppose my immune system is super atrong and I also providing my body with adequate energy to do what it needed to do to get well again.

My poor boyfriend hasnt been so lucky and has been sick for twice as long as me, most likely because he doesn't look after himself so well. Although I have tried to get him eating more nutritiously, I would never try to pressure him into it as I believe it is a very personal choice and everybody should have the right to choose how they live and what they eat themselves.

I have only had one work shift this week which has really suited me as it has meant that I have had heaps of time to catch up on my university work. I still cant believe just how much I am enjoying university this time around and I know that it is purely because I am now in a much better head space then I was last time I was at uni. I know it can be tempting to try and get your university course completed as soon as possible but I highly reccommend taking a break if your not happy and just focusing on getting well for a while. Studying really can be enjoyable and it should be enjoyable but you need to be in the right frame of mind for this to be possible.

I have been trying some new gym classes this week and I have loved all of them. I feel so motivated for exercise now that I am bursting with all this energy and exercise no longer feels like a chore for me. I love the way it makes me feel and I can feel myself getting fitter and stronger too. I became so weak whilst suffering from anorexia and it feels so wonderful to be slowly reversing that.

I am heading home to Swansea this weekend which I am really looking forward to as I haven't seen my family for ages. It will be great to catch up with everyone although I am a little nervous about what my family will think about my new herbalife products. I am worried that they will be really quick to judge and jump to the conclusion that it is some kind of weight loss program. Fingers crossed I am wrong and they are more open minded to what I am acfually doing Herbalife for.

I hope everyone is having a fantastic week and that your weekend is wonderful too. Stay strong and keep fighting guys... you've got this! <3 xxx

My new lifestyle

Prior to starting herbalife, I thought I ate relatively healthily. I tried to eat lots of fruit and vegetables and I avoided eating excessive amounts of typically unhealthy foods. After starting to transform my diet, I can see that my old diet was far from healthy and that it lacked protein as well as many essential nutrients.

I was eating as many as 4-5 serves of fruit a day which I tgought was a really healthy thing to be doing. According to the Australian guide to healthy eating however, this meant I was well abd truly exceeding the reccommended intake of 2 serves. I was also eating processed snack foods that contained lots of refined sugar.

Almost all of my diet contained carbohydrates, not because I was scared of foods containing the other macronutrients but because I enjoyed those foods. Only eats carbs however left me feeling tired all the time and I never seemed to feel full, even straight after eating a meal.

Now, I have been eating much more protein instead of only carbs and am freeling so much better for it. I am now eating more lean meat, eggs, protein bars, soy milk and yoghurt and have been adding protein powder to my morning oats too. I have also been trying to increase my intake of healthy fats too, although I know I need to keep increasing my fat intake as it is still quite low.

I have started eating more serves of wholegrains instead of as much sugary fruit and this, along with eating so much more protein which has helped me to feel fuller and more energized for longer. Also, eating more protein will hopefully allow me to get stronger and build muscle as I exercise. Hopefully this will help me to be the healthiest and best me that I can possibly be.

I am still loving my herbalife products and have just signed up to be a member. The thing to remember about Herbalife and healthy eating  is that it doesnt have to just be a phase, for me I want it to be a lifestyle that I follow indefinitely. I am so excited for what the future holds and for the first time, full recovery feels totally possible for me.

So little time, so much to do

I really am enjoying being busy at the moment however at times I do feel a little overwhelmed when trying to get everything I want to/ need to do done. I have been up since 6am this morning and I feel as though I haven't stopped since. After drinking my vanilla flavoured herbalife nutritional shake (blended with soy milk, banana, strawberries and cinnamon) I got ready and headed to the gym where I did a 45 minute 'pump' class.

By the time I got back home it was time to make some morning tea so I cooked up two sachets of oats with some soy milk and water. Once it was cooked I also added a TBS of my personalised protein powder to get an extra kick of protein after my work out. As you can probably see I really treat morning tea as a second breakfast as I love oats so much and wven though I have a shake for breakfast now, I still like to eat oats nearly everyday.

I headed to uni and was settled down and studying by 9:30am. Unfortunately the tutorial  recording I had planned to watch was not playing properly so I was unable to get that done but I did work on some other things I needed to do. After about an hour and a half of productive atudying I headed home (only a 5 minute walk away) to make some lunch. I made a delicious chicken, cheese, baby spinach and mayonaise toasted sandwhich which i ate with a cup of chicken noodle soup and a small salted caramel protein bar.

I had to be back at uni for a physical activity and health tutorial by 12 which went for two hours. I am really enjoying the physical activity and health unit and am finding the information teally interesting as I can relatr everything to myself and the way my body works during exercise. After the tutorial I went to the library and worked for another hour or so before having some afternoon tea (a boiled egg, a small packet of savoury biscuits and an apple and heading home once again.

Once I got home, my brother rang me because he needed to chat to someone. Although I really didnt have time to talk, I couldn't not chat to my brother when he needed me so I talked to him for an hour or so and I think I actually made him feel a little better so I am really glad I took the time to talk to him. Then I got my washing in, prepared my tea and did some tidying up as my room was in a bit of a mess. Now I am planning on going for a quick shower before having tea and then heading back to uni to try and watch the lecture I couldn't get working today.

Although it is only Monday, I really want to try and stay on top of my uni workload this week as I have two shifts working at mcdonalds and am also heading to Melbourne this Friday morning so wont be able to get any study done on Friday or over the weekend. I was supposed to be going to my boyfriends place tomorrow night but I really dont think I am going to be able to.

Driving there will take me an hour and a half and I have to work tomorrow so it will mean I have hardly any time to do any studying tomorrow at all. And then I have to drive all the way back Wednesday morning too which will waste more time I  ould be studying. Luckily I saw my boyfriend this morning though and I will see him again Thursday so I am hoping he understands. We will also be spending the whole weekend in Melbourne together so hopefully that will make up for it!

Even though it feels a bit crazy right now with so much going on, I know I can get through the next week. As long as I stay positive, work hard and look after myself by eating lots of nutritious food to keep my energy levels up. I also know that stopping and taking some time to do things I enjoy like going to the gym and relaxing a little are important too, even if only for a little while. As you can see I am busy this week but I will try my best to fit a few posts in before I head off on my trip. I hope you have a fantastic week :)

Feeling Fantastic and loving 'Herbalife'

Since starting Herbalifes wellness program, I have been overwhelmed by just how fantastic and positive I am feeling. Even though I am about 5 times busier now then I was before, I feel less tired and more full of energy then I used to. Since starting Herbalife, each day I find myself bounding out of bed at 6am ready to start my day. I am not missing my old eating routine one little bit as the foods I eat now are just as yummy, the only difference is that they are less processed and more nutritious.

The most wonderful thing about Herbalife for me by far is the fact that it is helping me to change my mindset in regards to food. For so long I have wanted nothing more then to change my realtionship with food so that I no longer feel the need to count calories and so that I start seeing food for all that it really is, which  is fuel for my body. Although I know that changing my old unhealthy mindset will take time as it is so well engrained into me, however I can feel it slowly changing and that gives me so much hope for the future.

I just feel so bubbly and happy right now and I think it is because I have such a wonderfully balanced life at the moment, which is something I have always really struggled to achieve in the past. I am studying at uni and meeting new friends as well as socialising with old ones, I am regularly going to the gym, I am spending heaps of time with my wonderful boyfriend, I am working a few shifts a week at mcdonalds (I'm glad im not working too much though as I dont think I would have enough time) and I am taking the time to cook and enjoy lovely nutricious foods to keep me fueled so that I can achieve all of this.

Would I reccommend something like Herbalife for everyone in recovery from an eating disorder?... Definetely not! I think it is the kind of thing that definetely has the potential to help in the very last stages of recovery however going on a program like this could do much more damage then harm if someone was to go onto it too early or before they were ready for it. So my advice would be to work away at recovery yourself (or with your treatment team) until you are weight restored and relatively healthy and then if you wanted to try something like Herbalife to help you make that final step to having a totally healthy relationship with food, then go for it. Maybe you will find it as helpful as I am! :)

Getting home from the gym today

Yesterdays lunch: wholemeal noodles with vegetables and 1 tin of tuna on crispbread

Todays lunch: Chicken and sweet potato curry with rice and mixed vegetables and a mug of herbalife peach tea

Today's visual food diary

BREAKFAST: Herbalife shake made with 3 scoops of vanilla nutritional mix, 1 scoop of personalized protein powder, 1 cup if almond milk, 1 banana, 7 strawberries, cinnamon and sweetner

MORNING TEA: 1 sachet of berry oats, 1diced apple and 150ml of almond milk, 1scoop of protein powder and cinnamon

LUNCH: Pasta salad (80g of pasta shells, 5 slices of diced ham, 1 boiled egg, capsicum, 2 tbs of  fat free mayo) served on a bed of baby spinach with a cup of hot peach herbalife tea

AFTERNOON TEA: 1 banana and 1 large protein bar





TEA: Vegetable Lasagna with lightly salted vegetables (carrot, broccoli, peas and sweet potato)

DESSERT: 1 red berry layered Danone Greek Ultimate Yoghurt with a large pear

Today's intake

Morning shake (6:00am)
2 scoops of french vanilla nutritional shake mix, 1 scoop of personalied protein powder, 250mL of almond milk, 1 banana, 3 strawberries

 

Morning snack: (9:00am)
Cup of herbalife peach tea and
1 portion of uncle toby's oats prepared with 150mL almond milk and mixed with 1 apple and cinnomon

Lunch (12:00)
Salt and pepper calamari with brown rice and quinoa and mixed vegetables

Afternoon tea (3:00pm)
1 tub of diced peaches, 1 protein bar and 1 boiled egg

Tea (6:00pm)
Beef and vegetable soup and 3 slices of buttered toast

Supper (8:00pm)
1 yoghurt and 2 kiwi fruits

Feeling amazing after 10 hours sleep

I couldn't believe it when my alarm woke me this morning. I went to bed extremely early so was expecting to wake up in the early hours of the morning as well however luckily I didn't. I suppose I shouldnt be surprised as I have had a massive sleep deprived weekend and my body really did need and deserve a big rest before starting another work week.

So I am feeling motivated about starting another week of work and also excited about my birthday plans this weekend. Its really strange as about a week ago I thought that this was going to be just another uneventful birthday but now I have gone out and made some good friends it looks as though it is going to be a great birthday Weekend. I am so glad now that I have been brave on a few occassions and gone out even if I didn't feel totally comfortable doing so as it has given me confidence and allowed me to fit in with some really great people.

My house is still a bit of a mess from when I had everyone over on Saturday night and I have HEAPS of washing to do but most of that is probably going to have to wait until Thursday when I have a day off. I am so used to having very little to do on the weekends and being able to get all my house work done then but I still prefer going out and having a life any day! Everything else will get done eventually!

I owe my poor dog a really long walk this morning as she has only been on one walk each day over the weekend. Between bad weather and being really busy I just haven't been able to take her as often which I am feeling pretty guilty about (for her sake, not mine). So I better finish this uphere so that I have enough time to take her for a nice long walk before going to work.

No matter what, Tess is still my #1 girl <3

Back to work

It feels strange to be getting up this morning to go to work after working all weekend. I would love a rest day right about now but not really because I feel as though I am exhausted and need it because I feel fantastic, more because there are things I need/want to do but cant as I am working all day everyday.

I had a huge nights sleep last night as I fell asleep at about 8:15 while watching masterchef (which I am not happy about as i really enjoy that show and it is the final week of the show) and slept until 6:00 this morning, which is almost 10 hours! So I guess this is why I am feeling so energized and refreshed this morning.

I need to clean my house so badly but just havent had the time. If I have time I will try and vacuum my whole house before work today and put away all my washing that I managed to get done over the weekend. I also really want to continue watching my Pretty Little Liars dvds as I am completely hooked on them but just havent been able to actually sit down and watch them. I also wish that I could take Tess for some nice long walks but I guess that will just have to wait until my next days off.

I know that everyone probably finds these types of posts super boring but I do feel as though I need to share what I do in My everyday life, even though all that seems to be at the moment is work. Hopefully my life gets more interesting soon so that then I will be able to share some more interesting news with you all.

I have some better posts planned for today (now I just have to find the time to put the together). I am going to do a post about where I am currently at in my recovery as well as a food diary picture post as I haven't done one of those for a while.

I hope everyone has a fantastic day. Does anyone have anything interesting planned? X

Busy weekend ahead

Ok so after watching only two episodes of Pretty Little Liars, I can honestly say that I am absolutely hooked. On the back of the dvd case it says "Welcome to your newest addiction" and I have to say that this is very true. I am so glad that I bought Pretty Little Liars for myself and look forward to watching all the seasons.

If only I had more time I would love to be able to watch more episodes however I dont think I am going to have enough time to watch very much over the next week or so at all. After working all week excluding Thursday when I went to Hobart for the day, I now have to work for the entire weekend as well as all next week.

It is hard when I have to work on the weekend when I work throughout the week too but unfortunatly it is necessary for me to continue supporting myself and continue living independenty. Fortunately I have all of the energy I need in order to work more now I am eating so well and getting much stronger however sometimes I do feel as though I need rest as I do get tired.

I know that I would not be able to work in the supermarket if i still suffered from hypothermia and poor thermo-regulation as it is really freezing all the time there. When we get to work it is usually about 10 degrees celcius inside and it doesnt usually warm up very much throughout the day as there is no heating and it is a huge old brick building.

I also miss being able to spend time just relaxing and also with Tess. I miss going on nice long walks with her whilst I am working so much and I am sure she misses them too. Luckily I still manage to take her for a shorter walk each morning as well as each night when I get home from work, even if it is in the dark.

Luckily I really enjoy working with all of the people that I work with at the supermarket on the weekends. We always have a lot of fun (maybe too much fun as we are supposed to be working ;) ) but we always get everything done that we need to do which is all that matters I suppose.

Sundays I get to work with my cousin Jemma who is a really good friend of mine even though she is about 5 years younger then me. Despite our age difference customers quite often ask if we are twins as we look quite similar apparently and look around the same age. Customers also call me Jemma or her Karly as they think we are actally the same person when we aren't together. She is great fun to work with though so I am glad that we are working together tomorrow.

I hope that everyone has a fantastic weekend and has more of chance to relax then I will! <3 xx

Day 17: What in your life has changed since you entered recovery

For some reason I find this question quite hard to answer. I would really like to say my life has completely changed for the better since entering recovery and that I am 100% happier then I used to be but this is not actually the case. I feel as though it is much harder to actually recover then it is to remain sick. This is because it is much more painful to fight your anorexic voice then to listen to them. Recovery is so hard and so painful but that does not mean you shouldnt choose recovery. You just have to believe that while the actual recovery process is terribely difficult, becoming recovered is well worth all of the pain you experience.

I wish I could say that my life no longer revolves around food and weight, but it definetely still does. During recovery so much of your focus and attention is paid towards what you eat and how much weight you are gaining. You cannot live life like a normal person as you always have to put your recovery first and make it your priority. While entering recovery may not instantly change your life for the better, once you actually recover your life will definetely be changed for the better. Only by making a full recovery will you be able to feel completely free and will you be able to truly live your life the way that you deserve to live it.

Not everything about recovery so far has been harder however, my life has also changed for the better in some ways. For starters, I feel as though I have so much more energy then I ever have before. Obviously eating much larger amounts of food means that I am giving my body a lot more energy. While I was sick, I clearly remember dragging my feet along while going for my long walks. I was literally running on empty but still I forced myself to keep going. Now I feel as though I have springs under my feet when I take Tess for walks and am literally bursting with energy. Even though I am not really using this extra energy I have at the moment as I am limiting my exercise as much as possible, it still feels great to jump out of bed each morning with all the energy I know I will need to get through the day.

Since entering recovery and nourishing my body with lots of food, I have also started to see a difference in the way I think. I honestly believe that the extra energy is not only going into allowing my body to repair, but also my mind. Everyday I feel as though my anorexic thoughts are getting a little weaker and the real me is getting stronger. Since entering recovery my whole attitude has become much more positive and I am finding thinking rationally much easier as well.

One of the biggest things that have changed since I entered recovery is that I realised I am strong enough to fight my anorexia and that recovery is possible for me. Before I started my revovery I did believe that recovery was possible for some people but I was not convinced that it would be possible for me. I felt like I was so sick that I would never be able to turn my life around and live normally. Since starting to recover however, every time I have had to fight my anorexic thoughts and have won I have become more and more confident in just how strong I can be. Now I know that I WILL recover as I AM strong enough to fight my Anorexia and WIN.

Super yummy afternoon tea

Since mum and dad are both working, Amy has come to my house after school. I havent done very much today besides resting but I feel fantastic for it. I always find it is so much easier to think more rationally and clearly when i'm not tired. I find that I am most vulunerable to my anorexia when I am exhausted or stressed which is why I avoid getting like this as much as possible. I know that while I am feeling energised and refreshed I am in the best frame of mind to fight my anorexic thoughts.

For afternoon tea I had grapes and I also tried a Cadbury Marvelous creations icecream which was so delicious. It consisted of creamy vanilla flavoured ice cream loaded with jelly and choc honeycomb pieces coated in Cadbury dairy milk chocolate and cookie pieces. 

 

I dont know if these icecreams are available in the parts of the world you live in but if they are I highly reccommend them. They taste simply amazing. I would also like to try the other two flavours. There is also a banana candy bubblegum fudge cookie flavour and a Jelly popping candy and beanies flavour.

A typical Monday in recovery

I haven't really done anything all that exciting today but I though it would be nice to give you all a quick update about of how I am going anyway.

I have been awake since 3:30 this morning so it gas been quite a long day for me but surprisingly im not too tired. Something I have noticed since starting to eat so much more is all the energy I now have. I wake up every morning feeling completely energized and ready to start my day. I almost feel like a child who is 'hyped up' after drinking too much red cordial. It feels amazing to be full of so much energy and it is simply because for the first time In a long time I am providing my body with exactely what it needs.

I worked at the bank all day today and got home in just enough time to walk Tess before tea which was great. Since tea I have eaten an extra yummy dessert of hot apple pie with vanilla custard as well as a vanilla milkshake (as I didnt want a hot chocolate as I am already feeling super hot).

There are a few negative effects of refeeding that I am currently experiencing but I am trying not to let them get me down. Firstly I have been overheating at various times throughout the day, particularly in the mornings, after my meals and of a night. As I mentioned yesterday I think that this is due to something  called hypermetabolism.

The reason anorexics commonly suffer from hot flushes is because their bodies start to use energy quite inefficiently whe they are reintroduced to large amounts of food. THIS site explains that while a normal person will only use up 15% of the total energy consumed to produce heat, 30% of an the energy consumed by a person being refed is used to make heat. This is why so many calories are required for a recovering anorexic to gain weight as a smaller proportion of the energy they consume is actually available for muscle rebuilding and fat storage.

Feeling so hot all the time is very different for me as I have always felt extremely cold at all times throughout my illness so far. While I used to wear jumpers in summer whenever I left the house, I had to take my jumper off this morning while I was walking Tess, even though it was only 8 degrees celcius. Its not a terrible side effect of recovery but these hot flushes can still feel really uncomfortable and they make me sweat a lot which can be quite embarrassing.

Another effect is that my skin is not very good at the moment. I have had pimples at various stages throughout my illness but It had gotten a bit better before I started eating so much. My acne has always been much worse whenever I have been feeling particularly stressed or anxious which explains why my skin is not great now. I obviously do feel worried and anxious at various times while fighting my anorexia but so far it hasnt been anything I cant handle. I also know that my hormones would be going crazy as I refeed my body which could also quite easily contribute to my pimples.

While I wish I was not experiencing these negative effects of refeeding, they dont make me want to stop what I am doing for even a moment. Who cares if I get a few pimples or if I need to take a cold shower to cool myself down when I start to overheat. At the end of the day those tiny little things are nothing compared to what recovery would mean for me. We must also always remember that these types of effects are only temporary. I hope that everyone has had a great weekend and that you are feeling ready and energised for the week ahead!

Feeling a little stressed

I am feeling a little stressed at the moment as I am in the middle of a really busy few weeks. Because I work two jobs, every now and the my rosters run into one another so I end up working many days in a row without any break at all. For instance after working three days earlier this week, I only had yesterday off which is when I went to the city to go shopping, and now I am working for another 7 days straight. Once I finish those 7 days I only have a single day off before I am back to work again.

I know I shouldn't complain as living out on your own is really expensive and I do need the money but I also feel like I need rest too. And I feel like I have so many jobs around the house that I need to do but simply cant as I am never here. I know I will be able to get through it as I have before and I will probably find it a bit easier now that I am eating so much more as I will hopefully continue to feel more energised. I am sleeping a lot better now too which is a huge bonus!

Staying busy probably isn't a bad idea at the moment anyone as I think I will be able to cope with gaining weight better if I don't have as much time to sit around thinking about it. If I keep my mind off of my weight gain, I will have less of a chance to feel guilty and anxious about it. Does everyone else agree with this? Do you think that it is better to keep your mind busy while recovering so you don't have as many opportunities to feel anxious over your weight gain?

I do want to apologize in advance as I probably won't get to blog as much as I would like to over the next week or so. Even though blogging is a big priority of mine, it wont be humanly possible for me to spend a huge amount of time writing posts but I promise I will try my best! I just need to stay positive and rememeber that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Once I get through all of these work days I will be able to rest and relax and blog to my hearts content (and no doubt get through many episodes of Greys anatomy ;)). Have a great weekend everyone!