Feeling energised and motivated after resting and a Herbalife STS

Dragging myself out of bed last Thursday morning was really hard. Ever since starting Herbalife I have been bouncing out of bed each morning but for some reason I was feeling really tired and unmotivated. I had been studying really hard all week as well as going to the gym each day and working and I think that I was just mentally and physically exhausted.

I felt a little better after having my Herbalife shake so decided to go to my regular Thursday morning 'body attack' gym class. My legs were a bit sore before I even got there and during the class they just wouldn't do what I wanted them to do. They were heavy and slow and simple things that were usually effortless, seemed like massive efforts. Somehow, I managed to get through the 45 minute gym class but it was so hard, but not even in a good workout type of hard way.

I went home and studied for the rest of the day, barely leaving my room but by mid afternoon, I was starting to feel really nauseous. At times I actually thought I was going to be sick I felt so unwell but luckily I didnt vomit. My boyfriend arrived just before dinner time and the first thing he said to me was that I looked really tired. Thats when I knew that I had been doing too much and that I had worn myself out.

After a good nights sleep I felt quite a bit better however I knew that my body needed a rest day, so thats exactly what I gave it. Unfortunately I wasn't able to give my brain a rest day too as I had too much happening at uni with assignments due and lectures to watch but not exercising while still eating lots was exactly what I needed.

I went out for dinner with my boyfriend and another friend of ours and we had a really nice night. And despite the face I had quite a few drinks that night and only got about 6 hours aleep, I woke up the next morning feeling like a million dollars. I got up early, made my herbalife shake as well as breakfast for my boyfriend and an hour later we were on our way to Hobart.

I was going to Hobart to attend a Herbalife STS (Success Training Seminar) and luckily my incredible boyfriend said he would drive me down as I had no idea how to get to the place where the function was being held. It was an incredible day with lots of speakers sharing their success stories as well as learning about all of the products Herbalife offer. I got to try some new Herbalife products, which were all delicious (but now I just want to buy more products which I cant really afford haha!)

There was an ex professional AFL footballer there who uses and distributes Herbalife so it was good to hear him talk about his journey and the advice he offered about going for your dreams was unbelievable. There were so many people there with inspirational stories that I couldn't help but feel inspired, to continue actively chasing my dreams and proving to everyone, as well as myself that I can do anything I set my mind to. Whether it be make a full recovery from anorexia, finish my uni degree or get fitter and stronger.

After such a big day I was feeling tired by the time I got home so I made myself some tea andvpretty much went to bed. My boyfriend stayed up watching tv and I tried to watch it with him but I couldnt keep my eyes open so just slept. I felt great when I woke up the next morning though so decided to go and do a quick 45 minute workout at the gym. After a two day break from exercise my energy levels were great and my body felt properly recovered too as my joints and muscles were no longer sore. It was a very successful workout and I really enjoyed it too.

When I got back home my boyfriend and I went to watch his sister play football and we also bought lunch at the bakery. It was a beautiful and sunny day so it was really nice to stand outside and absorb some heat, something that is quite rare in a Tasmanian winter. We then just headed back home and rested for the rest of the afternoon/night.

This week is mid semester break which means I dont have an university classes however I do have two mid semester tests next week so will have to spend most of the week studying for those. I hope everyone has a great week and remember to rest if your body or mind need it! :) xx

Feeling exhausted

After feeling energetic and enthusiatic about everything for the last week or so, I feel as though a weeks worth of tiredness has suddenly hit me like a tonne of bricks. After having so many late nights and so many early morning over the last week or so, I guess I shouldnt really be surprised that this has happpened. In fact, it is probably a wonder that I didn't start feeling like this sooner. Now I have hit  this wall of tiredness, I know that I just have to look after myself properly, so that I can quickly overcome it!

It has become clear to me that I cant continue to stay up as late as I have been, if I am going to keep getting up so early every morning. I mean, I didn't get that tired when I used to get up between 5 or 6 each morning when I went to sleep really early each night. However now I find that I stay up really late each night, sometimes as late as midnight talking to people and I therefore just am not geting enough sleep each night.

It is a really good thing that I am socialising so much now, as I really do enjoy it! And I feel as though I am truly living my life, the way that a 21 year old should but I also liike having lots of time in the mornings to get things done too. I love having enough time to have a nice breakfast, walk Tess and write a blog post before I have to be at work! So I don't know exactly where Iam ging to fit more sleep in but I know Icant keep burning the candle at both ends like I currently am.

Luckily, I managed to completely fight off the virus that I could feel myself developing before it really hit which is definetely a huge bonus but now I am just feeling tired and drained. I guess that drinking heaps of water, Eating lots of kiwi fruit (which are incredibly high in vitamin c) and also just keeping my energy up with lots of food, my immune system has just managed to fight off my cold, before it really set in :)

I didnt even have enough energy to walk Tess when I got home late from work today so I just cooked tea and relaxed instead. I felt bad, as I could hear Tess crying outside, wanting me to walk her but I already took her for a long walk this morning and sometimes I just need to put my health first. Afterall, I know that to keep moving forward in my recovery, I need to keep listening to my body. Which doesnt only mean eating according to how I feel, but also resting sometimes too.

Besides Taking Tess for a couple of nice walks tomorrow, I plan on just relaxing for the rest of the day. It has been so long since I have just watched series for a day and I feel as though that is exactly what I need! I hope that everyone is having a great week. :D

Super tired

After working all day whilst feeling incredibly tired, I am so happy to finally be home. I took Tess for a quick walk and then cooked myself a yummy tea of chicken nuggests and vegetables. I have only just started eating chicken nuggets, after not really eating them since I was a kid but I really enjoy them.

Now I plan on just having a shower and then watching telly. I will most likely fall asleep as soon as I lay on the couch as I am so tired. I need to try and get a good nights sleep tonight anyway as I really dont want to be tired for work tomorrow.

I always try and be fully refreshed and ready for work, especially at the bank as it is so important that I keep completely alert and also that my concentration is fully on the job. Otherwise it is too easy to make a mistake which you just cant do when you are dealing with so much money and peoples finances. surprisingly I cope with the responsibility quite well but I would probably be more anxious if I wasnt on anti anxiety medication.

I just have three more days of work now and I have a day off, I cant wait! And then next weekend my best friend is coming up from Hobart to stay for the whole weekend which I am also really excited about!

Super busy day

Today certainly has been very busy and I feel as though I haven't stopped since I got up early this morning. After eating breakfast I took Tess for a long walk, put my wet washing out on the clothes line and got ready for work as I had to start at 8:30. I have been on my feet running around after customers all day and in my short lunch break I only had enough time to get myself some lunch which I ate while writing a blog post.

The afternoon went quite fast although quite a bit of chocolate and lollies were eaten to get me through to knock off time. My final job at work was sweeping the entire floor of the shop which is actually quite tiring and time consuming. As soon as I knocked off work at 4:30, I came home but had lots of jobs to do. 

I had to get my washing in off the clothes line, do the washing up, put clothes away and start tidying my house as I am not going to get a chance to do it any time soon as I am back to working at the bank tomorrow. I quickly did a bit of revision as I am doing an assesment for my traineeship tomorrow which I hope I go ok in but I really don't have heaps of time to put into that so I am hoping that all of the work I have allready done is enough. 

Then I prepared my tea which is currently cooking now as I write this post. I am just having a piece of crumbed chicken as well as 3 tempura chicken Nuggets, Caulliflower Broccoli, carrot and mashed potato with BBQ sauce (I will add a photo to the bottom of this post once it is ready). It feels good to be finally sitting down however I still need to take Tess for a walk after tea and also have a shower. 

Although I am feeling quite tired, I am still looking forward to taking Tess for a nice walk on the beach as it is a gorgeous evening and I hated being stuck inside all day at work while everyone else enjoyed the beautiful weather. As you can see, today has been really full on so I am sure I will sleep well tonight, especially after not getting very much sleep last night.

I hope that everyone had a fantastic weekend :)

Still smiling, even though I am exhausted :)

My Yummy Tea 

Completely exhausted

I though I was coping ok with being so busy lately but over the last few days, the exhaustion really has hit me like a tonne of bricks. I feel a bit like a zombie and even though I am getting lots of sleep each night, it really seems to be making no difference at all. Yesterday was my worst day of all and I actually felt as though I was going to fall asleep while driving to work yesterday morning. My boss noticed how low I seemed and asked me if everything was ok. I assured her that I am fine and that I am just tired (which is the truth).

Along with the exhaustion, I have also been getting headaches which is quite unlike me so it is possible that I may have become iron defficient. This is something that has happened to me in the past and has caused me to feel the same way that Iam currently feeling before so perhaps I should get a blood test and get it checked out. It is really starnge that I commonly get iron defficient as my dad has the complete opposite disorder whereby his body absorbs too much iron which leaves him feeling exhausted and drained too.

I have the day off tomorrow (thankgod) so I am going to make the most of it and try and rest as much as possible. I think that my mind and body really just need a day of proper rest so that I can re-energise and get back to being my cheerful and happy self. Even though I am physically and mentally so much better now, I still have to remember that I have put my body and mind through a lot over the past few years and it is therefore no surprise that I can get run down every now and then. I suppose that feeling exhausted and unwell is just my bodies way of telling me tthat I have to slow down and take it easy for a while.

And I also have to remember that I am still in recovery and that recovery uses extra energy too. Not only for physical repair but also in orderfor me to keep battling my anorexia mentally too. Although my anorexia is becoming a smaller part of my life every single day,  to keep on fighting continuously does wear you out eventually. All I can do is try and listen to my body as much as I possibely can and to look after myself my providing my body with all of the energy and rest it needs.

My day

After another full on and busy day, I am feeling quite tired and am looking forward to being able to settle down for the night and relax. I don't mind being busy though as I dont like being bored either. I probably would not have coped with being busy once however now that I am looking after myself, I can stay happy and healthy whilst I am busy so it isn't an issue at all. The rain stopped this morning for just long enough for me to take Tess for a nice walk before I went to work. 

I went out for lunch today with a boy that often comes into the bank and it went ok, although I dont really know if we will ever be anymore then friends as I didn't feel as though we had all that much in common. We are two incredibely different people which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but at this stage I dont think we would make a very good couple either. Who knows though, anything is possible!

When I got home I took Tess for another walk beefore getting home and cooking myself some tea. As always (as you can see from the pictures) I went completely overboard with vegetables and I struggled to even fit them all on the plate, even though the plate is huge. I absolutely love vegetabes though and love so many different types that I always end up cooking heaps. Tonight Ihad mashed pumpkin and potato, carrots, broccoli, caulliflower and brussel sprouts. I also had some honey soy Chicken breast tenders with tomato sauce which were delicious too.

I am just about to go for a shower before tidying up my kitchen and the rest of my house and bringing Tess inside for the night. There are a couple of good tv shows on tv tonight so I hope I dont fall asleep whilst I am watching them like I always seem to do. I hope that everyone is having a great week. :)

so much for a rest day

Yesterday ended up having an incredibely busy day off. I got most of my housework done yesterday and I also organized a fathers day present for dad. I didnt know what to get him so I just decided to get a photo of us developed which I have framed and I have also got him some chocolates.

After lunch yesterday I went and visited one of my friends who I am going to Hobart with for my birthday and we made some plans. It is going to be a fantastic night and I am really excited. :D then I took my little sister to netball training and went and picked up another friend who I hung out with for the night. We had fish and chips for tea and had a great night.

It was hard to get up for work this morning though. I have a normal day at work today and tonight I am going out for tea with my family to celebtrate my 21st birthday, as I probably wont see them tomorrow. I will let you all know how it goes tonight. :D

A long day

Today has been a really long day and if I am completely honest I am glad it has finally come to an end. I know that I should not wish away any days as every day is a gift however I have just been feeling quite tired today and have not been my usual bubbly self. I have not been feeling bad, but I haven't been as positive as I have usually am either. I didn't even feel like going to yoga tonight which I usually really enjoy so I just came straight home.

I have been really busy for the past 7 days straight and I still dont think I have properly recovered since my huge weekend so I am really happy that I have the day off tomorrow. Especially since I have another huge weekend planned this weekend for my 21st birthday. We have decided to go to a dessert cafe for tea before we go out which will be really great too. Its really strange but I dont feel the slightest bit nervous about this at all. I am just purely excited!

For the rest of the night I just plan to watch tv, relax and unwind before having a nice rest day tomorrow. It probably wont be that much of a rest day really though as I have HEAPS to do. I have like a weeks worth of washing and cleaning to do and I wont get another chance to do anything like that for another whole week. I have also made plans to meet up with a friend if it is nice and we are going to walk our dogs together.

I hope that everyone else is having a fantastic week. :) x

Tiredness in recovery

Whilst in recovery, I think that it is incrediby important that you keep yourself well rested and that you get plenty of sleep each night for a number of reasons.

Firstly, I am not sure if anyone else has experienced this as well but my anorexic thoughts are always MUCH stronger when I am tired. I don't know if my anorexia can somehow sense that I am tired and more vulunerable so it gets louder or if the thoughts just get to me more easily whilst I am tired but they definetely do get worse.

Whenever I get run down or exhausted I start getting really bad body image and find it much harder to fight my anorexic thoughts whenever they arise as I simply dont feel like I have the energy to do it. I also find it much harder to think rationly whilst I am tired and my anorexia can therefore 'get away' with more then it would otherwise.

Recovery really does take it out of you, both mentally and physically so you may find that you actually need more sleep whilst you are in recovery then what you would otherwise. As I am sure many of you know, having a constant argument going on inside of your head really is exhausting so your poor brain needs time to rest so that you have the energy to continue fighting each day.

Whenever my anorexia is incredibly strong, I usually just try my hardest to get through the day as best as I possibly can and go to bed as early as possibe. When I wake up in the morning, as long as I have had a reasonable nights sleep I usually find that my anxiety is much better and my anorexic thoughts have quietened down once again too.

I know that sleeping is not always the easiest thing to do whilst you are in recovery. I have struggled with insomnia off and on the whole time I have been sick and it really can take its toll on you. I have learnt a few different tips that help me to get as much sleep as possible, which I will share with you all. I hope that they help! :)

1. Try to go to bed  bed and wake up at about the same time each day. Hopefully your body will eventually get into a good routine and you will be able to fall asleep and wake up more easily at these times. This also helps you to make sure you get enough sleep each night.

2. Dont drink any drinks witth caffeine in them in the evening. This includes many fizzy drinks like coke or pepsi, coffee, Tea and energy drinks. Caffeine generally wakes people up and gives them a little 'kick' and this obviously is not want you want when you are going to bed.

3. If you wake up in the night, try not to check your phone or any other electroniic device, even if you are just checking the time. It has been proven that the just seeing the backlight on electronc devices wakes you up and prevents you from falling back to sleep as quickly. This is also why you aren't really supposed to use electronc devices, straight before going to bed.

4. If you have trouble shutting off from a busy day, try to do something to distract yourself from these busy thoughts. Some people find that reading right before bed is the best way to shut off from a busy day however I just find lying on the couch and watching a series is what relaxes me most (sometimes too much as I often fall asleep whilst doing this).

5. If you wake up in the night and you are hungry, EAT. I think that this was the main cause of my insomnia when I was in the earlier stages of my recovery as I would wake up in the night with hunger pains but not let myself eat anything until breakfast time. If you think about it, after eating recovery amounts all day, 9 or so hours is a long time to go without any more food which is why i suppose your body starts asking for more. Now I have a piece of fruit or something like that whenever I wake up in the night hungry and I am able to fall straight back to sleep once I eat.

6. Try to avoid long naps durin the day. If you sleep-in really late or have a lonnng nap durin the day, you will mosyt likely find it harder to get to sleep at a normal time that night. If you are feeling really tired during the middle of the day nd you are at home, you can have a little sleep but I always set an alarm so tht I sleep for no longer than half an hour or so.

Finally I just want to say how important it is for you to rest when you are feeling especially tired. Feeling tired or exhausted is a sign that you need to slow down and do less. Of course anyonne should do this however I believe it is particularly important for people in recovery from anorexa, as they always need to be ready and energized so that they can fight their anorexia, whenever they need to.

A big night

Firstly, I want to apologise for ony writing one post yesterday. I always try to post at least 3 times per day but I just didn't have a chance yesterday. My friend came to visit me yesterday, which was so nice as we haven't caught up in ages. By the time she left, I ony had enough time to quickly get ready and then it was time to leave. I got a lift there with my brother and it was a really good night. I really enjoyed myself and had a great time.

I didn't go to bed until 2:30 or so though and drank way too much so I am feeling exhausted and quite sick today. I dont drink very often at all, in fact I haven't had an alcoholic drink since November last year but occasionally I like to go out and have a few drinks. I will have to remember not to have quite so much next time though as I really don't feel great today.

I am going to be honest with you all and say that I have not been able to eat my usualy intake today as I just am not well enough to do it but tomorrow I kow that I will be back to eating my proper amount. I suppose not being able to eat properly today is a good indication that I did drink way to much last night. While I am feeling a little stupid for doing it now, I know that I just have to learn from my mistakes and not do it again.

I am also sorry that I have not been replying to emails or comments over the last couple of days. I will try my hardest to get through them all and reply over the next few days. I hope that everyone has had a great weekend! :)

Another day off

Ok, so after all my complaining about all the work I have been doing over the last few weeks, now I seem to have lots of days off. But I suppose that is just how it goes. Some weeks are really busy when I have to work every single day and other weeks I have more days off then regular people. I suppose that is just what happens when you have two part time jobs

Well today isn't really a full day off. I have to go into the bank for just an hour or so for a meeting this morning but then I have the afternoon free to do whatever I would like to do. I think I will probably just take Tess for a nice walk and maybe get some of my study for my traineeship done. It was strange doing some study last weekend for the first weekend in 12 months or so  but I actually quite enjoyed it.

Amy is coming to spend a few hours with me after she finishes school and cheerleading which I am looking forward to. Tonight I have yoga as well which should be good.  Usually I work at the supermarket on Wedesdays and have to go straight from work to yoga so it has turned out quite well. I will probably even be able to have a quick tea before I go so I dont have to eat quite as late as I usually have to.

I am feeling so tired this morning for some reason. I slept on the couch last night which I know I shouldn't do as I never sleep as deeply and soundly as I would in my bed. But I usually fall asleep while watching tv and then it is just so tempting to stay on the couch in the loungeroom where the fire is all night, insead of going and hopping into a freezing cold bed.

So I feel like I just need a day to recharge and get back to my energetic self. I will probably try and catch up on some sleep sometime today as well and watch some more of pretty little liars. I have already finished season 2 even though I only started them 13 days ago as it is so good and I just want to keep watching it.

Luckily I bought the first three seasons when I was in Hobart so I still have one season to go. My mum is taking me to Hobart next week for my dermatologist appointment so I will have to get some more seasons then. I hope that everyone is having a good day. Keep smiling, fighting and believing! xx

Work, Doctors appointment and yoga

Unfortunately I woke up this morning with another skin infection on my face. After taking Tess for an early walk between rain showers, I went to work at the supermarket. I hate working when I have a skin infection as I get so self concious however I know that I cant expect myself to look perfect all the time. Blemishes are just a part of everyday life so i guess in a way these infections are good as they teach me to accept myself for who I truly am no matter what.

I left work this morning to go to the doctor so that I could get some more antibiotics and my doctor also gave me a refferal to go and see a dermatologist, since nothing else seems to work for me. I am excited to be going to a dermatologist as I was starting to feel as though there was no hope that my skin would ever clear up as no matter what I did, I would still get infections. I just prey that the dermatologist has some real answers for me and can help me to get better.

For the first time in as long as I can remember, my doctor didnt weigh me when I got to her doctors office. I suppose she felt as though I was looking so much healthier that she really didnt want to know my exact weight. I went straight from work to Yoga which as always I really enjoyed. The only problem was that my back was especially sore, even before we started and my shoulders were too. The pain wasn't unbarable however so I just pushed through it and still managed to have a good time.

Overall, besides a few hiccups I have had a good day. I hope your day was wonderful :) x

Busy weekend ahead

Ok so after watching only two episodes of Pretty Little Liars, I can honestly say that I am absolutely hooked. On the back of the dvd case it says "Welcome to your newest addiction" and I have to say that this is very true. I am so glad that I bought Pretty Little Liars for myself and look forward to watching all the seasons.

If only I had more time I would love to be able to watch more episodes however I dont think I am going to have enough time to watch very much over the next week or so at all. After working all week excluding Thursday when I went to Hobart for the day, I now have to work for the entire weekend as well as all next week.

It is hard when I have to work on the weekend when I work throughout the week too but unfortunatly it is necessary for me to continue supporting myself and continue living independenty. Fortunately I have all of the energy I need in order to work more now I am eating so well and getting much stronger however sometimes I do feel as though I need rest as I do get tired.

I know that I would not be able to work in the supermarket if i still suffered from hypothermia and poor thermo-regulation as it is really freezing all the time there. When we get to work it is usually about 10 degrees celcius inside and it doesnt usually warm up very much throughout the day as there is no heating and it is a huge old brick building.

I also miss being able to spend time just relaxing and also with Tess. I miss going on nice long walks with her whilst I am working so much and I am sure she misses them too. Luckily I still manage to take her for a shorter walk each morning as well as each night when I get home from work, even if it is in the dark.

Luckily I really enjoy working with all of the people that I work with at the supermarket on the weekends. We always have a lot of fun (maybe too much fun as we are supposed to be working ;) ) but we always get everything done that we need to do which is all that matters I suppose.

Sundays I get to work with my cousin Jemma who is a really good friend of mine even though she is about 5 years younger then me. Despite our age difference customers quite often ask if we are twins as we look quite similar apparently and look around the same age. Customers also call me Jemma or her Karly as they think we are actally the same person when we aren't together. She is great fun to work with though so I am glad that we are working together tomorrow.

I hope that everyone has a fantastic weekend and has more of chance to relax then I will! <3 xx

Feeling like a normal girl

Today has been a really good day. I have felt almost normal today and have manged to forget that I am in fact recovering from an eating disorder which I think is fantastic! Sometimes, it is just so nice to be ale to compltely forget about your worries and to just feel like a normal 20 year old girl. I suppose that this just shows how much I have improved since the time when my my anorexia was controlling most of my thoughts. Now I can go a whole day with only an occasional anorexic thought or feeling. Realising how far I have come gives me hope that I can make the progress I need to make in the future in order to recover.

I took Tess for a walk this morning to the beach and although it had been quite windy it was not as cold as it has been over the past few weeks which is good. I am hoping that this slightly warmer weather is a sign that the coldest part of winter has now passed. I really enjoyed my morning prior to going to work. I replied to some emails, wrote some blog posts and watched some 'Harte of Dixie'. Something else I was happy about was that I reached 20 000 pageviews. I know that this may not seem like many pageviews  to some people who blog however I am delighted to know that I have had this many pageviews and this makes me want to thank everyone who reads my blog.

As soon as I got to work at 9:30 I had an assesment for my traineeship that went really well. My accessor was really happy with how organised and prepared I was and said that my work was of a very high stadard which was great to hear and gave me the confidence boost I needed. Since my coworker has not been very nice to me over the last few weeks I was starting to doubt myself and feel as though I was not good enough but after my assesment I felt great! I started believing that I am good enough again and I think that this was reflected in my work performance today.

I got lots of work done and am going to try my hardest not to let the way my co-worker treats me in the future determine the confidence I have in myself and my abilities. After work I took Tess for a quick walk to the shop where I caught up with my mum. When I got home I cooked myself rice and veetables for tea and then had a shower and wached masterchef while I ate my dessert. I hope that everyone has a fantastic day/night. <3 x  I am struggling to keep my eyes open at the moment so will most likely have an early night again.

Sometimes, everything gets too much

Too say that I am exhausted would be a huge understatement. I think that everything always seems so much worse when you are tired which is probably why everything is gettting to me so much today. Firstly, the person I have been working with at the bank is not being very friendly to me at the moment which has really started to get me down. Everything I do seems to be wrong and she speaks to me awfully mot of the time. I really do not know what to do about this as I honestly think that she just doesn't like me very much and I don't think I can change the way she feels about me. 

We are very different types of people and I think she thinks I am a bit too 'good' all the time. For example I never swear, smoke or drink or anything like that where as she does. We have also grown up in quite different circumstances and have very different ideas and values. I honestly don't judge her for being different to me as I believe everyone has the right to do what they want to do but I do not think she should judge me for being different either. So between that and everything else that has happened over the last few weeks with my mum and family I am feeling really upset and stressed.

When I left work tonight and started the car trip back home, I really felt like cryin about what was going on at work as well as in my family. I am also worried that my dad is upset with me for talking to my mum last week as she has most likely been awful to him ever since. To make things worse, when I pulled into my street tonight I saw my mum pulled over on the side of the road, doing something that made me incredibely angry. If you know about my mum and her problems you can probably guess what she was doing but I was furious as she was about to pick up my little sister who was at my nans house (who lives in the same street as me) and drive her home. 

Putting herself at risk by drving whilst under the influence of alcohol is one thing but to put my lttle sister Amy at risk too is not ok. So seeing this made me incredibely angry and upset with mum. When I got home I realised that my nan had walked my dog Tess for me which meant that there was no need for me to walk her tonight, except that my anorexia really wanted me to go. As I was feeling so awful about everything I knew that going for a walk would make me feel so much better (well thats what my anorexia told me anyway).

I had decided that I would walk Tess however at the last minute I realised that I shouldn't give into my anorexia, just because I am feeling down. Afterall, recovering from anorexia is about learning to use new coping mechanisms when life gets tough. Honestly, their are two reasonss why I stopped myself from walking Tess. Firstly, because I didn't want to let myself down as I knew that I would feel guilty after going for a walk, as I would know I had given into my anorexia. I also didn't want to let my readers down as I want to show everyone who reads my blog that you shouldn't give into your anorexia, no matter how tough things get.

So I came home and warmed up some tea for myself that I had cooked this morning before work, which was lucky because I really didn't feel like cooking, in fact I didnt even feel like eating. As I ate my tea I felt very anxious and guilty which shows me that my anorexic thoughts and feelings are a lot stronger when I am upset or angry. Straight after tea, instead of coping with these feelings by exercising which is what my anorexia wanted me to do, I went for a shower and then started writing this post. Afterall, writing blog posts about how I am feeling is the best way for me to let go of all of the things that are upsetting me. 

Vegetable stir fry

I feel as though blogging is my therapy, which is great as it is a completely harmless coping mechanism. Even if you dont have a blog, I highly reccommend writing your thoughts down in a diary or even just on a piece of paper. Doing this allows you to express how you are truly feeling and to propery process and organise your thoughts, so that you can understand them better. I know I should be really happy that I have made it to the weekend and can now just relax for two days, however I am really strugging to put all of my worries aside. I am hoping that I wil get a great nights sleep tonight and everything will seem better in the morning.

Feeling tired and unwell

My stomach has been in a knot all day and I cant work out whether it is because I am feeling so anxious about what has been going on with my mum, or if I actually have some type of virus that is making me sick. I desparately hope that it is only anxiety but I have a really bad feeling that it could be a stomach bug as there are quite a few going aroound at the moment. Getting a stomach bug is one of my greatest fears and for a number of reasons.

Firstly, ever since I made my self sick back whilst my anorexia was developing back in 2012 I have hated the though of vomiting. I realise that nobody likes vomiting but since putting myself through so much pain whilst purging, I am now terrified of vomiting. Also I am really scared of not being able to eat my normal amounts of food and also the possibility of me losing weight.

When I got these types of viruses as a child I would always get really sick, being unable to hold any food or water down for days and days. I would always lose 3 or 4 kilograms everytime I got sick annd I worry that if I got sick again now, the same thing would happen which would mean a lot of the good I have done in the recent past would be all be undone.

I just desperately hope that Iam overreacting and that my sick feeling soon passes. Unfortunately I have to work all weekend at the supermarket, so I wont even get a chance to rest a lot. I shouldn't complain though as Ireally do need the money. My plan is to get a good nights sleep tonight an dto hopefully wake up tomorrow feeling as right as rain.

I hope that everyone has a fantastic weekend.

Need to normalise my body clock

You know your body clock is way out of sync when you are waking at 11:50 pm and feeling as though you are ready to start another day And the last one has not even ended yet. I have suffered from insomnia from time to time throughout my illness but my sleeping patterns just seem to be getting worse and worse.

I just feel so exhausted each night that I cant keeep my eyes open after 8:00-8:30, but then I am waking up incredibely early after getting between 6 and 8 hours sleep, wide awake. I know that if Istayed up later of a night, I would find it a lot easier to sleep later each morning but I just feel so exhausted each night, that I could literally fall asleep while standing up. No matter what I watch on TV, I fall asleep and I even fall asleep while blogging.

I suppose it is to be expected that I am so tired each night. Afterall my body is working very hard to repair and recover. Also the psychological stress od recovery is very tiring as well however I do feel as though putting my body clock back in sync would help with this tiredness a lot. If I got up at 6 each morning instead of 4, I would probably be able to stay awake until 10:000-10:30 instead of falling asleep at 8:00-8:30.

Since I have the day off today, I think I will try and have a decent nap half way through the day so that I feel energized enough to stay up a little later tonight. Hopefully If I stay up to 10:00pm or something like that, I will be able to sleep later the following morning. If I do wake up early still, I will make myself stay in bed and NOT turn on my tablet or phone, which is something I am often guilty of doing (hence why it is 12:52am, I have been asleep for 3 hours already tonight but now I am writing a blog post).    

Does anybody have any tips for me about getting a normal sleeping routine in place. I find that my life is so busy with work, my recovery and everything else that I just cant afford to be so tired and exhhausted all the time. Ok, I am off to bed to try and get some more sleep. Goodnight! xx

Waking early

As I started to get tired last night, I started to get more anxious about what I had eaten for my tea. In the end I decided the best thing I could do was go to bed and try and get some sleep, which luckily I was able to do. I woke up very early this morning feeling extremely hungry. I put on Greys Anatomy and waited for a while, hoping that the feeling would pass but when It still hadnt by 3:40 am, I decided to have some of my breakfast. I had a bowl of Caramel oats, with a sliced banana on top but still wasnt completely satisfied.

It was not until I had my toast at 5:00am that my stomach seemed happy. I had cashew butter spread on my toast however the cashew butter was rock hard and unspreadable because my kitchen was so cold. So I had to cook my toast and put a big lump of cashew butter on each slice of toast, that I then had to heat in the microwave in order to make the cashew butter spreadable. The reason I dont like having breakfast too early is because it seems too muck up all of my other meals for the day, as I always start to get hungry approximately 2.5/3 hours after my last meal.

Since waking up I no longer feel anxious about my Tea last night. Instead I am happy that I was brave enough to take the opportunity to face my fears and fight my anorexic thoughts. Yes I felt anxious afterwoods but I still didnt let this effect my actions which is all that you need to do in order to successfully fight your anorexia.

I am feeling quite positive at this stage but am not expecting to have an excellent day as I will be tired and my anorexic thoughts always seem so much stronger and harder to fight when I am tired. I dont know why this is the case but other people who suffer from anorexia that I have spoken to have found the exact same thing applies to them. I think the reason I find it harder is because when I am tired I lose the ability to think clearly and rationally.


I dont have many plans for my day off today so atleast I can have a nap if I get really tired due to the lack of sleep I had last night. I will vacuum my house as well since I am busy all weekend and wont get a chance to do it then. I also plan to make some more puddings of some description. Last time I made lemon but it was so delicious I am tempted to make it again.

I hope that everyone has had or is having a wonderful day today. :) To all of those fighting their illnesses, make sure you keep fighting and remember that recovery is possible, you just need to believe in yourself. <3