A busy few weeks

Over the last couple of weeks I have not had the time to write any blog posts as I have been so incredibely busy. Last week I had two days of work at McDonalds and the remainder of the week I spent studying for mid semester tests I had this week. It was actually mid semester break so I luckily didnt have any scheduled classes for the week however I still got lots of productive study done as was therefore well prepared for my tests.

Unlike this time 2 years ago when I was at university, I am now able to do other  things as well as study without expeeiencing overwhelming guilt, remain happy and stay relatively anxiety free. For instance all last week I studied when I could, but also went to a daily gym class and spent time with my boyfriend in the evenings, when he finished work. I now understand that taking breaks from study is bot something to feel guilty about, infact finding a healtgy balance between study, work and the rest of your life is essential.

I also didnt spend that much time studying over last weekend as my family came to Launceston Saturday so I caught up with them for my birthday as well as fathers day. Also as Sunday was Fathers day, we went out for lunch with Nathans family. I still got a few really productive hours of study done each day over the weekend though and since I had already gotten a lot of productive study done the week before, I was feeling well lrepared for my tests and anxiety free.

It was my 22nd birthday on Monday however I was so busy it didnt really feel like ny birthday. I went to ny usyal early norni g Pupmp class and then just revised before I did my first mid semester exam at midday. The exam went really well and despite the fact I had not spent every second leading up to the exam studying, I was well prepared and feeling good. This just proved to me how important it is to keep a balanced life ALWAYS and that getting PRODUCTIVE study done is the key to success at university. I had a couple of hours to spare before I needed to be back at uni for a tutorial so I spent it working on an assignment that was due on the Friday of this week (today).

As soon as my tutorial finished, I made the hour and a half drive to Ringarooma to my boyfriends parents house. My boyfriend spoilt me with lots of birthday presents including new Asics shoes, a nutritional pro to make my morning shakes in, a gorgeous silver bracelet, chocolates and a bottle of bacardi which is the type of alcohol I drink (not that I drink very often). He also got me a card and wrote a beautiful letter inside, which almost made me cry it was so sweet.

Nathan didnt want me driving all the way to his house on my birthday however I didnt want him driving all the way to me as he had done so much driving over the days leading up to that, including that morning when he drove from my place to work.I didnt mind driving as long as I got to spend the night with Nathan and his mum cooked my favourite Tea for me, roast chicken with vegetables and pavlova and cream with berries for dessert!

I made my way back to Launceston early on Tuesday morning as I had to work for 3 hours at McDonalds and wanted to get a couple of hours study done before hand. After work, I decided to go to a gym class as there really wasnt much more study I could do before my second mid semester exam the following day. I had already prepared myself so well for the test it was really only a matter of reading through all of the notes I had already made. After the gym class I had Tea and then just revised for another hour or so before getting an early night.

I woke up at 6am the following mornjng and studied until 9, before making my way to the university to sit my mid year exam. Like my other exam, it went well and I felt as though I was as prepared as I possible could have been, despite the fact that I hadnt spent every second leading up to the exam studying. I had managed to stay happy and healthy while studying for my exams and still felt really well prepared which is a huge accomplishment for me, given my history of perfectionism and intensive studying which lead to me being completely miserable last time I was at uni.

After my exam Wednesday Inwas feeling really tired so instead of going to the gym like I had planned to, I just rested instead and worked on my assignment. I got another early night Wednesday night and felt incredible when I woke up on Thursday morning so I went to my usual early morning Attack gym class which was a great class as I had so much energy. After that I headed back to my place to my place and had breakfast before watching a lecture. After lunch I started doing some of the housework I had neglected to do in my study week and also did ny grocery shopping and put the finishing touches on my assignment which is now ready to submit.  I Spent the evening with Nathan which was nice and now its Friday morning!

I have quite a big weekend coming up and this is already a long post so I think I will update you all on that early next week. I also aim to erite some recovery advice posts next week as I know I havent done this for a while now. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend! Xx

My dad, sister and I on Saturday

Feeling energised and motivated after resting and a Herbalife STS

Dragging myself out of bed last Thursday morning was really hard. Ever since starting Herbalife I have been bouncing out of bed each morning but for some reason I was feeling really tired and unmotivated. I had been studying really hard all week as well as going to the gym each day and working and I think that I was just mentally and physically exhausted.

I felt a little better after having my Herbalife shake so decided to go to my regular Thursday morning 'body attack' gym class. My legs were a bit sore before I even got there and during the class they just wouldn't do what I wanted them to do. They were heavy and slow and simple things that were usually effortless, seemed like massive efforts. Somehow, I managed to get through the 45 minute gym class but it was so hard, but not even in a good workout type of hard way.

I went home and studied for the rest of the day, barely leaving my room but by mid afternoon, I was starting to feel really nauseous. At times I actually thought I was going to be sick I felt so unwell but luckily I didnt vomit. My boyfriend arrived just before dinner time and the first thing he said to me was that I looked really tired. Thats when I knew that I had been doing too much and that I had worn myself out.

After a good nights sleep I felt quite a bit better however I knew that my body needed a rest day, so thats exactly what I gave it. Unfortunately I wasn't able to give my brain a rest day too as I had too much happening at uni with assignments due and lectures to watch but not exercising while still eating lots was exactly what I needed.

I went out for dinner with my boyfriend and another friend of ours and we had a really nice night. And despite the face I had quite a few drinks that night and only got about 6 hours aleep, I woke up the next morning feeling like a million dollars. I got up early, made my herbalife shake as well as breakfast for my boyfriend and an hour later we were on our way to Hobart.

I was going to Hobart to attend a Herbalife STS (Success Training Seminar) and luckily my incredible boyfriend said he would drive me down as I had no idea how to get to the place where the function was being held. It was an incredible day with lots of speakers sharing their success stories as well as learning about all of the products Herbalife offer. I got to try some new Herbalife products, which were all delicious (but now I just want to buy more products which I cant really afford haha!)

There was an ex professional AFL footballer there who uses and distributes Herbalife so it was good to hear him talk about his journey and the advice he offered about going for your dreams was unbelievable. There were so many people there with inspirational stories that I couldn't help but feel inspired, to continue actively chasing my dreams and proving to everyone, as well as myself that I can do anything I set my mind to. Whether it be make a full recovery from anorexia, finish my uni degree or get fitter and stronger.

After such a big day I was feeling tired by the time I got home so I made myself some tea andvpretty much went to bed. My boyfriend stayed up watching tv and I tried to watch it with him but I couldnt keep my eyes open so just slept. I felt great when I woke up the next morning though so decided to go and do a quick 45 minute workout at the gym. After a two day break from exercise my energy levels were great and my body felt properly recovered too as my joints and muscles were no longer sore. It was a very successful workout and I really enjoyed it too.

When I got back home my boyfriend and I went to watch his sister play football and we also bought lunch at the bakery. It was a beautiful and sunny day so it was really nice to stand outside and absorb some heat, something that is quite rare in a Tasmanian winter. We then just headed back home and rested for the rest of the afternoon/night.

This week is mid semester break which means I dont have an university classes however I do have two mid semester tests next week so will have to spend most of the week studying for those. I hope everyone has a great week and remember to rest if your body or mind need it! :) xx

Remember to rest

Ever since getting a gym membership a few weeks ago, I have really enjoyed being able to exercise regularly, regardless of the weather. I have also really enjoyed doing a wide variety of exercises instead of just walking like I used to do and I can already see my fitness and strength improving. Something incredibely important to remember is to make sure you have rest days, to give your body a break and allow it to repair and recover.

 Something else to remember is that on rest days, you should not feel as though you cant eat as much as you usually would. If you only feel as though you can not or should not eat your regular intake if you are not doing exercise then this is not a healthy mindset to have and perhaps you aren't ready to start exercising again. You should not think of exercise as something you do so that you can eat, you should think of eating as something you do to keep you healthy and that gives your body the fuel it needs so that you can exercise when you want to.

For instance, I have been to the gym the last 4 days in a row and I am choosing to have a rest day today to allow my sore muscles to repair. I have full intention of eating my usual intake today even though I am not exercising. It has taken me a long time to change to this mindset but I am glad to say that my days of compensating for not exercising by eating less are over! I know that my body needs to be fueled properly EVERYDAY and that is exactly what I intend to do!

Although not as much energy will be required by your body for actual physical activity on rest days, if you eat your usual amount this just means that more energy will be available to help your body to repair and recover. It also gives your body a chance to replenish its energy stores which will prepare you for exercise again,  next time you do work out. Rest days also give you a chance to focus on other important aspects of your life, that you may not usually have time. Remember that looking after your mental health is just as important as looking after your physical health.

The number of rest days a person takes is an individual choice however I think that people should try to rest atleast one day a week. Personally, I find I need atleast 2 rest days per week as I am still very new to working out and I dont want to rush my body into making progress too quickly. I also want to make sure that I am only exercising for the right reasons and that I am not getting addicted to exercise, as I know that this sometimes does happen post anorexia recovery.

Feeling unwell

Even though I woke up feeling fine this morning, throughout the day my energy levels are rapidly depleting and I just dont feel very well at all. I am feeling tired and drained, even though I havent been very busy and I feel nauseous too.

I have been getting hot and cold flushes also, which suggests I probably have a touch of a stomach bug or some other virus. Fingers crossed it will pass quickly and I will be back to my usual energetic and bubbly self before I know it.

I feel terrible as I know that I am not very good company for my poor boyfriend but for the the time being I just need to look after myself. Which means having a rest day and letting my body recover from whatever I have. 

Feeling exhausted

After feeling energetic and enthusiatic about everything for the last week or so, I feel as though a weeks worth of tiredness has suddenly hit me like a tonne of bricks. After having so many late nights and so many early morning over the last week or so, I guess I shouldnt really be surprised that this has happpened. In fact, it is probably a wonder that I didn't start feeling like this sooner. Now I have hit  this wall of tiredness, I know that I just have to look after myself properly, so that I can quickly overcome it!

It has become clear to me that I cant continue to stay up as late as I have been, if I am going to keep getting up so early every morning. I mean, I didn't get that tired when I used to get up between 5 or 6 each morning when I went to sleep really early each night. However now I find that I stay up really late each night, sometimes as late as midnight talking to people and I therefore just am not geting enough sleep each night.

It is a really good thing that I am socialising so much now, as I really do enjoy it! And I feel as though I am truly living my life, the way that a 21 year old should but I also liike having lots of time in the mornings to get things done too. I love having enough time to have a nice breakfast, walk Tess and write a blog post before I have to be at work! So I don't know exactly where Iam ging to fit more sleep in but I know Icant keep burning the candle at both ends like I currently am.

Luckily, I managed to completely fight off the virus that I could feel myself developing before it really hit which is definetely a huge bonus but now I am just feeling tired and drained. I guess that drinking heaps of water, Eating lots of kiwi fruit (which are incredibly high in vitamin c) and also just keeping my energy up with lots of food, my immune system has just managed to fight off my cold, before it really set in :)

I didnt even have enough energy to walk Tess when I got home late from work today so I just cooked tea and relaxed instead. I felt bad, as I could hear Tess crying outside, wanting me to walk her but I already took her for a long walk this morning and sometimes I just need to put my health first. Afterall, I know that to keep moving forward in my recovery, I need to keep listening to my body. Which doesnt only mean eating according to how I feel, but also resting sometimes too.

Besides Taking Tess for a couple of nice walks tomorrow, I plan on just relaxing for the rest of the day. It has been so long since I have just watched series for a day and I feel as though that is exactly what I need! I hope that everyone is having a great week. :D

An afternoon with Amy

I have had a really nice afternoon with my gorgeous sister. I walked to her school to pick her up at the end of the school day and then we walked to the shop to get icecream. I tried one of the Peanut butter magnum icecreams and Amy had a rainbow icecream in a cone. I had never tried peanut butter icecream before but I really loved it and will definetely have it again.

After our icecreams we headed back to my place where we are hanging out now, waiting before it is time to go to Amy's talent show. At first we listened to some new music that I downloaded this morning and now we are watching pretty little liars. 

I also just made myself some tea (pasta and vegetables) so all I have to do when I get home is reheat it and my tea will be ready. Preparing meals and planning meals ahead of time is something that I highly reccommend doing, especially if you are busy. I find this really helpful as it allows me to make sure that I always eat enough and to make sure that I never skip any meals. :) 

A lazy Thursday morning

It has been so nice just to laze around for the morning. I still woke up quite early and got mysef breakfast but then instead of having to take Tess for a walk and get ready for work, I just laid on the couch and watched some Pretty little liars. For morning tea I had an pple as well as a pop tart. I only tried pop tarts for the first time a couple of days ago and I have decided I am definetely a fan! But they are not something I would eat all the time, just occasionally to treat myself! :)

Already my head is feeling clearer and some of the stress I have been feeling has been relieved which is great! I think by the end of the day I will feel completely rested ad ready to go back to work tomorrow. My little sister is coming to my place after school which I am looking forward to and then I am going to watch her dance at her primary school talent show. She is so much more confident and outgoing then I ever was and I think that this is a really good thing!

It isn't a really nice day outside which is a bit of ashaim however it could always be worse. I always try to stay positive and remind myself that the cold weather now will make me appreciate the nicer weather when it does come. I hope that everyone is having (or has had) a fantastic day. Try to stay positive and concentrate on all of the wonderful things in your life. No matter how bad things may seem, you can always make things better :)

Completely exhausted

I though I was coping ok with being so busy lately but over the last few days, the exhaustion really has hit me like a tonne of bricks. I feel a bit like a zombie and even though I am getting lots of sleep each night, it really seems to be making no difference at all. Yesterday was my worst day of all and I actually felt as though I was going to fall asleep while driving to work yesterday morning. My boss noticed how low I seemed and asked me if everything was ok. I assured her that I am fine and that I am just tired (which is the truth).

Along with the exhaustion, I have also been getting headaches which is quite unlike me so it is possible that I may have become iron defficient. This is something that has happened to me in the past and has caused me to feel the same way that Iam currently feeling before so perhaps I should get a blood test and get it checked out. It is really starnge that I commonly get iron defficient as my dad has the complete opposite disorder whereby his body absorbs too much iron which leaves him feeling exhausted and drained too.

I have the day off tomorrow (thankgod) so I am going to make the most of it and try and rest as much as possible. I think that my mind and body really just need a day of proper rest so that I can re-energise and get back to being my cheerful and happy self. Even though I am physically and mentally so much better now, I still have to remember that I have put my body and mind through a lot over the past few years and it is therefore no surprise that I can get run down every now and then. I suppose that feeling exhausted and unwell is just my bodies way of telling me tthat I have to slow down and take it easy for a while.

And I also have to remember that I am still in recovery and that recovery uses extra energy too. Not only for physical repair but also in orderfor me to keep battling my anorexia mentally too. Although my anorexia is becoming a smaller part of my life every single day,  to keep on fighting continuously does wear you out eventually. All I can do is try and listen to my body as much as I possibely can and to look after myself my providing my body with all of the energy and rest it needs.

My weekend so far

Yesterday was a good day. I watched my brother play football which he won and my cousin also won her netball grandfinal. Watching so much sport made me want to join a sports team or start playing some more sport too as it seems llike forever since I have done anything liike that. nfortunately there are not very many opportunities for girls to play sport on the east coast of Tasmania however and it is too hard for me to travel to one of the cities because of my work.

I spent the whole day with my cousin and her family and and it was really nice. I had a huge breakfast before I left as I didn't know when I would get another chance to eat. My breakfast consisted of 3 weetbix prepared with milk and 2 slices of toast topped with a mashed banana and I really enjoyed it. Throuughout the morning I only ate an apple but also snaced on jelly beans as my cousin had a HUGE bag full of them.

For lunch I got a chicken burger from KFC as well as a bowl o fruit salad from another take away shop at the food mall. Then on the way home I got an icecream with everybody else wich Iquite enjoyed even though I had no appetite at all. By the time Igot home I wwas feeling really sick and tired and had a huge headache. I am nott 100% sure what was wrong with me but I just felt really unwell and the last thing I felt like doing was eating.

I cooked myself some rice and vegetables which I made myself eat and then I also had a yoghurt after tea for dessert. I tried to watch some tv but eventually I realised that the only thing that would make me feel better was going to bed. I wanted to write a post to let you all know how my hday had been but Ihonestly didn't feel well enough to which is why I am writing it thismorning instead.

Fortunately I have woken up this morning feeling better however I still have no appetite which is strange. Usually I am hungry for all of my meals but the thought of food at the moment actually makes me feel quite sick. Hopefully this feeling passes soon as I hate having to force lots of food into myself whe I have no appetite at all.

I am so happy that I have the day off today! I am going to take Tess for a nice walk as Ionly got to take her for one small one yesterday and hopefully I will just be able to relax too. I honestly think I need some time to just rest and relax today as I still dont really feel like myself. I bought the fifth season of Pretty Little Liars when I was in Hobart yesterday so I have a feeling that quite a few episodes of that may be watched.

I hope that everyone is having a fantastic weekend :D  

Delicious breakfast

I didnt feel like my usual breakfast this morning. I have found that recently I just havent been feeling like oats so only have them every third day or so. This morning I just ate eactly what I felt like and that was lots of strawberries, a strawberry flavoured fruche and butter and strawberry jam on toast. It was a really nice and refreshing change!

I felt good waking up this morning after a good nights sleep and also because I knew that I didn't have to work today. I am having trouble getting moving this morning though as it is 8:15 and I still haven't moved off of my couch. Tess is getting restless and wants to go for a walk so I should probably get ready and take her, so that I can then get started on everything else I have to do.

After a beautiful and sunny day yesterday, unfortunatly it doesn't look as though it is going to be as nice today however its still not too bad. I think it is supposed to rain a bit throughout the day too which makes me think I should take Tess soon, as otherwise she could miss out on a walk all together.

Have a great day everyone! <3 x

Tiredness in recovery

Whilst in recovery, I think that it is incrediby important that you keep yourself well rested and that you get plenty of sleep each night for a number of reasons.

Firstly, I am not sure if anyone else has experienced this as well but my anorexic thoughts are always MUCH stronger when I am tired. I don't know if my anorexia can somehow sense that I am tired and more vulunerable so it gets louder or if the thoughts just get to me more easily whilst I am tired but they definetely do get worse.

Whenever I get run down or exhausted I start getting really bad body image and find it much harder to fight my anorexic thoughts whenever they arise as I simply dont feel like I have the energy to do it. I also find it much harder to think rationly whilst I am tired and my anorexia can therefore 'get away' with more then it would otherwise.

Recovery really does take it out of you, both mentally and physically so you may find that you actually need more sleep whilst you are in recovery then what you would otherwise. As I am sure many of you know, having a constant argument going on inside of your head really is exhausting so your poor brain needs time to rest so that you have the energy to continue fighting each day.

Whenever my anorexia is incredibly strong, I usually just try my hardest to get through the day as best as I possibly can and go to bed as early as possibe. When I wake up in the morning, as long as I have had a reasonable nights sleep I usually find that my anxiety is much better and my anorexic thoughts have quietened down once again too.

I know that sleeping is not always the easiest thing to do whilst you are in recovery. I have struggled with insomnia off and on the whole time I have been sick and it really can take its toll on you. I have learnt a few different tips that help me to get as much sleep as possible, which I will share with you all. I hope that they help! :)

1. Try to go to bed  bed and wake up at about the same time each day. Hopefully your body will eventually get into a good routine and you will be able to fall asleep and wake up more easily at these times. This also helps you to make sure you get enough sleep each night.

2. Dont drink any drinks witth caffeine in them in the evening. This includes many fizzy drinks like coke or pepsi, coffee, Tea and energy drinks. Caffeine generally wakes people up and gives them a little 'kick' and this obviously is not want you want when you are going to bed.

3. If you wake up in the night, try not to check your phone or any other electroniic device, even if you are just checking the time. It has been proven that the just seeing the backlight on electronc devices wakes you up and prevents you from falling back to sleep as quickly. This is also why you aren't really supposed to use electronc devices, straight before going to bed.

4. If you have trouble shutting off from a busy day, try to do something to distract yourself from these busy thoughts. Some people find that reading right before bed is the best way to shut off from a busy day however I just find lying on the couch and watching a series is what relaxes me most (sometimes too much as I often fall asleep whilst doing this).

5. If you wake up in the night and you are hungry, EAT. I think that this was the main cause of my insomnia when I was in the earlier stages of my recovery as I would wake up in the night with hunger pains but not let myself eat anything until breakfast time. If you think about it, after eating recovery amounts all day, 9 or so hours is a long time to go without any more food which is why i suppose your body starts asking for more. Now I have a piece of fruit or something like that whenever I wake up in the night hungry and I am able to fall straight back to sleep once I eat.

6. Try to avoid long naps durin the day. If you sleep-in really late or have a lonnng nap durin the day, you will mosyt likely find it harder to get to sleep at a normal time that night. If you are feeling really tired during the middle of the day nd you are at home, you can have a little sleep but I always set an alarm so tht I sleep for no longer than half an hour or so.

Finally I just want to say how important it is for you to rest when you are feeling especially tired. Feeling tired or exhausted is a sign that you need to slow down and do less. Of course anyonne should do this however I believe it is particularly important for people in recovery from anorexa, as they always need to be ready and energized so that they can fight their anorexia, whenever they need to.

Time for a break

After a very busy start to the week, I am glad to say that I can finally have a bit of a rest. I drove to Bicheno on both Monday and Tuesday and then worked at the supermarket for the whole day today. After finishing work at 5:45 I went straight to yoga so I didn't get home until almost 8:00 pm. I had soup for tea with buttered fresh bread so that was a really quick and easy meal. I love eating hot soup when it is cols outside and it was also really esy for me to eat with my sore throat.

I am so gllad to have the day off tomorrow and I plan to make the most of it as I will have to work from Friday to the following Thursday without a break. Over the past few days the morning and nights have been freezing cold however the days have been sunny and warm so I really hope that it is nice again tomorrow. I would love to be abe to spend some time outside with Tess and to go for some nice walks.

Besides that I really dont have any other plans. Of course I will need to catch up on some house work as my house need to be tidied, my floor needs to be vacuumed and I need to wash some clothes but besides that I will just be taking it easy and having a rest day. I am actually feeling quite good despite my cold, however I think a rest day is exactly what I need to try and get rid of my cold all together. Fingers crossed I am feeling better before this weekend as it has ended up being quite a busy one.

I hope that everyone else is having a lovely week. Please keep fighting and keep believing. You really can do anything if you believe in yourself!

Finally, a day off work

I am so happy that I finally have a day off of work! I am feeling completely exhausted after working for the last 10 days straight and feel as though I really need a day of not doing very much at all. Of course I have a little house work and cleaning to catch up on and I would like to bake some Pudding as well but I don't plan to leave home today, besides when I go walking with Tess. I think most of my day will be spent on the couch watching Pretty Little Liars. I am hopng that it wont be too cold so that I can enjoy taking Tess for a nice long walk on the beach.

I am feeling really good after making the few changes I have made and surprsingly I am not missing the extra food I was eating that I am now not eating at all. I suppose this means that I am still providing my body with all the energy that it needs. If I had become extremely hungry all the time I would have suspected that my body still needed the extra food I was eatting so I would have needed to re-increase my calories again but fortunately this has not been the case. I really am starting to feel and look like my old self again which is great.

Something I have noticed since cuting my caloies back a little is that my aorexia has been shouting at me to restrict and weigh my food more again. I dont know if this is actually due to the fact that I am eating a little less now or if it is just coinsidence but whatever the cae may be, I am determined to commpletely ignore my anorexia and do the complete opposite to what it says. I am not fully recovered yet and I do not want to spend the rest of my life with this anorexic voice in my head so the only option is to keep fighting it, until it disssapears for good.

I had a reasonable night sleep las night but Iam still feeling tired so I think I will probably have a sleep at sometime throughout the day as well. Ilove having a little sleep in the middle of the day. I always get sleepy after eating lunch, especially when I am in front of a warm heater so, no doubt Iwill fall asleep then. And hopefullly then I will be able to stay awake tonight to watch Master Chef as it is finals week. Even tthough master chef is only on from 7:30 o about 9::00, I still fall asleep some nights before it finishes as I am so tired.

Tomorrow I am back to work at the bank but then I ave the whole weekend of. It will be the first weekend in a along time that I haven't had Amy for the night too. I absoluttely love Amy coming to stay but it will be nice just to have a little time to myself, to relax and unwind before another busy week of work. No doubt I will still go up and visit my family though. Hopefully my brothers will be home from Hobart so that I can catch up with them as I havent seen them for ages.

 

Glad it's the weekend

I love the weekends. Especially now that I am no longer studying. I remember when I was at college and university even on the weekend I never gave myself a real break. As I felt so guilty for not spending every moment studying. That is what I love the most about working and no longer studying. I feel as though when I finish at work each day I can just come home and forget bout what is going on at work.

I got to the stage before I stopped studying that I was completely miserable. I was just spending every minute of everyday studying as otherwise I would feel incredibely guilty. I think that it was my perfectionism that made me do this and I guess that it made me feel better if I felt as though I was in complette control of my academic performance, just as I have doen with my food intake and weight.

So I guess that has made me appreciate days off and truly being able to relax so much more now, which is why I love the weekends so much. I have Amy again this weekend but that is ok as she really is no trouble. And ortunately she doesn't mind just relaxing as well. In fact it is usually me trying to drag her out of the house to go for walks or do anything as she just wants to stay in, play on her ipad and watch tv.

We dont really have any plans but I am sure we will think of something to do. It is supposed to be really cold over the weekend owever I cant really see how it could get much colder then it already has been. Over the weekend I need to get a fair bit of housework done like vacuuming, clothes washing and tidying the house but I don't reallly mind. I actually dont mind doing housework and cleaning that much, in fact sometimes I actually enjoy it.

Over the weekend I would also like to bake muffns and bake some puddings. And of course I will take Tess for some nice walks, perhaps even a run at some stage. On Sunday night Iam going out for tea with my family and my dads boss and his family. I am actually strangely looking forward to it. Does anyone else have any exciting plans for the weekend? I hope that you all have a nice chance to rest and relax! :) x

Having a sick day

I have had to take the day off of work today so that I can go to my doctor and get some antibiotics. I will get a doctors certificate to excuse me from work and just rest for the day and hopefully get over this infection. While I am at the doctor I would like to ask my doctor about whether or not there are some preventative antiobiotics that I can go on as I seem to get these infections every time my immune system gets down. Apparently the way it works is that the bacteria that cause these infections lay dormant under my skin and then flare up every so often often, making a new infection. There must be something I can do to get rid of it for good!

I do feel a bit bad about having the day off as I am not extremely sick but I really needed to get to the doctor to get some antibiotics. Last time I had a skin infection in the same place it actually moved into my eye and I certainly dont want to risk that happening again. It is a shame that my doctor is in a different town to where I work as otherwise I may have been able to go to work after my appointment.

So the day today will just be spent resting at home. I have some studying to do for my first traineeship assesment at the bank tomorrow so it will be a good chance for me to do that. I am not terribly nervous about this assesment, which is quite surprising considering how worked up I used to get before tests when I was at uni or school but this doesnt really seem like a test. More just a chance to demonstrate what I have learnt in my job so far.

I hope that everyone has a fantastic Monday! Stay positive and keep fighting! <3

Need to normalise my body clock

You know your body clock is way out of sync when you are waking at 11:50 pm and feeling as though you are ready to start another day And the last one has not even ended yet. I have suffered from insomnia from time to time throughout my illness but my sleeping patterns just seem to be getting worse and worse.

I just feel so exhausted each night that I cant keeep my eyes open after 8:00-8:30, but then I am waking up incredibely early after getting between 6 and 8 hours sleep, wide awake. I know that if Istayed up later of a night, I would find it a lot easier to sleep later each morning but I just feel so exhausted each night, that I could literally fall asleep while standing up. No matter what I watch on TV, I fall asleep and I even fall asleep while blogging.

I suppose it is to be expected that I am so tired each night. Afterall my body is working very hard to repair and recover. Also the psychological stress od recovery is very tiring as well however I do feel as though putting my body clock back in sync would help with this tiredness a lot. If I got up at 6 each morning instead of 4, I would probably be able to stay awake until 10:000-10:30 instead of falling asleep at 8:00-8:30.

Since I have the day off today, I think I will try and have a decent nap half way through the day so that I feel energized enough to stay up a little later tonight. Hopefully If I stay up to 10:00pm or something like that, I will be able to sleep later the following morning. If I do wake up early still, I will make myself stay in bed and NOT turn on my tablet or phone, which is something I am often guilty of doing (hence why it is 12:52am, I have been asleep for 3 hours already tonight but now I am writing a blog post).    

Does anybody have any tips for me about getting a normal sleeping routine in place. I find that my life is so busy with work, my recovery and everything else that I just cant afford to be so tired and exhhausted all the time. Ok, I am off to bed to try and get some more sleep. Goodnight! xx

Super yummy afternoon tea

Since mum and dad are both working, Amy has come to my house after school. I havent done very much today besides resting but I feel fantastic for it. I always find it is so much easier to think more rationally and clearly when i'm not tired. I find that I am most vulunerable to my anorexia when I am exhausted or stressed which is why I avoid getting like this as much as possible. I know that while I am feeling energised and refreshed I am in the best frame of mind to fight my anorexic thoughts.

For afternoon tea I had grapes and I also tried a Cadbury Marvelous creations icecream which was so delicious. It consisted of creamy vanilla flavoured ice cream loaded with jelly and choc honeycomb pieces coated in Cadbury dairy milk chocolate and cookie pieces. 

 

I dont know if these icecreams are available in the parts of the world you live in but if they are I highly reccommend them. They taste simply amazing. I would also like to try the other two flavours. There is also a banana candy bubblegum fudge cookie flavour and a Jelly popping candy and beanies flavour.

Saturday update + todays meals

Amy and I had a nice relaxing morning this morning. She always shows a lot of interest in my blog and was really excited when I asked her if she wanted to write a post to publish on my blog. She wrote most of it while I was out walking Tess this morning and I helped her edit it when I got back. It made me sad to see how much my anorexia has effected her but also grateful that she loves me so much despite my illness. Amy and I are incredibely close and I dont think my anorexia has ever come between us. In fact if anything it has made us closer as it has made us realse just how important we are to one another. Sometimes it is easy to get caught up thinking about how our eating disorders effect our lives and we forget how it effects the people we love. Amy is one of the main people that I fight my anorexia for everyday. I want to recover so that I can be the big sister that she deserves to have.

I have spent a lot of the day resting which has felt really good. Amy went home just after lunch and since then I have written a few blog posts, watched some grays anatomy, taken Tess for another tiny walk and watched tv. At the moment I am watching the movie Dear John. I was really tired after tea so actually got a couple of hours sleep before Dear John started. I knew I wouldn't be able to stay awake while watching it otherwise. I havent seen this movie since back in 2010 but I remember loving it when I saw it. It feels so strange to think back to times before I got sick. I cant even remember what it was like to be normal anymore.  It seems like it has been forever since a time that my life didn't revolve around food, weight and my anorexia. I still cant imagine what it will be like to oneday be free of my anorexia again, all I do know is that it will be the most wonderful feeling in the world.

The foods I eat on the weekends are usually a bit different then what I have during the week as I dont have to worry about packing my lunch up to take to work and have more time to cook in the evenings. 

2 slices of toast with honey nut spread, 1 bowl of sweet cinnamon and apple oats

1 banana Up And Go and 1 chocolate muffin

2 slices of fresh bread with butter, cheese and tomato relish, 1 chocolate snak pak and 1 extra large sliced banana

1 violet crumble, 1 large pear and 1 small banana

1 chicken breast schnitzel, baked tomato dish and oven cooked chips

1 orange, 1 white hot chocolate and 2 macadamia and white chocolate chip cookies

I hope that everyone has had an amazing Saturday and that your Sunday is as equally amazing! :)

Well deserved rest day

Finally it is Thursday, the first day I have had to relax and rest for what seems like forever. In the last eleven days I have only had one day that I have not worked and on that day I had to drive to Launceston which is atleast an hour and a half away to get some errands done in the city. I love living where I do in the country but it also makes it hard having to travel long distances to get anything done.

So today I plan on spending most of the day on the couch. It will be good for me to give myself a good rest after such a busy few weeks. I will take Tess for  few short walks of course but besides that it will just be relaxing at home. While it would probably be better if I didn't do any exercise while trying to gain weight, I think of walking Tess as unavoidable exercise. Tess is my responsibility and as she is only eighteen months old and a very active breed of dog, she does need exercise.

I am planning on watching some Grays Anatomy and also doing some baking so I am stocked up with muffins and pudding for the next week. I find it hard to bake when I am working so much as I have very little time in the evening after work to bake. Usually I don't get home until 6 pm and then I still need to cook tea, eat tea, wash up and clean the kitchen, set and light the fire, take Tess for a short walk in the dark, have a shower, try and get a blog post written, do a load of washing as well as anything else that may need doing. It is very common for me to colapse on the couch and fall asleep before nine o'clock.

I plan to catch up on everyone elses blogs that I haven't been able to read as I have been too busy and write some more posts of my own. I find it really hard to find time to write posts when I am so busy working so I will try and get some extra posts written today so I can post those when I am really busy. Does anybody have any requests for post topics. I though I could right some posts about life in Australia, some more personal posts so that you can get to know me a little more as well as some recovery posts.

Luckily I only have to work tomorrow at the bank and then I have the weekend off as well which will be really nice. Sometimes I feel as though I would like to put more time and energy into my recovery but as you can see my life is so busy that this really is not possible. The thing is, I need to be able to work so that I can live. If I didn't work as much as I do I wouldn't be able to afford my rent, my phone/electricity/water bills, my car insurance/registration/petrol, to buy food or buy anything else I need. It really is quite expensive living out on your own.

While I need to work, I still make sure that my recovery is my main priority. The people I work with know about my situation and are very understanding about me stopping to eat when I need to. No matter how busy I get I always make sure I eat the entirety of each and every one of my meals. In fact I can not remember the last time I skipped a meal or didn't completely finish a meal.




Since my mum is working today, my little sister Amy will come to place place when she finishes school so it will be really nice to see her as I haven't caught up with her in ages. For those of you who are new to reading my blog, you can read an old post I wrote about my little sister here. We are very close and have an extremely special friendship. Luckily Amy is a bit of a couch potato and also a Grays Anatomy fan so she shouldn't mind just lazing around with me this afternoon while I rest.

I hope everyone has a fantastic day today. Does anybody have anything exciting planned?