Weigh in Wednesday

I can' believe it is Wednesday once again. And it is the 1st of july! The weeks and months are just flying by so fast, the year wll be over before we know it. I weighed myself this morning to find that I have gained a little weight (300g) which I suppose is better than nothing as it shows that the extra food I have been eating has made a bit of a difference. So this week I just plan to continue doing wat Ihave been doing and fingers crossed I keep gaining a bit of weight.

I do not mind that the rate I am now gaining weight is slower then I was gaining weight as I am now getting closer and closer to reaching my healthy natural set point and I know that I am no longer dangerously underweight. So if I just continue to take my weight gain slow and steady from now on I think it will be for the best as it allows me to adjust to the weight gain more comfortably and will still allow me to eventually reach my desired healthy weight.  

Even though I am eating much more then the average person would, I know that my body still needs every bit of energy I am giving it. In recovery it is easy to think that we are 'eating too much' but we always need to try and remember that this certainly isn't the case. The fact that I stopped gaining weight whilst eating 3000 calories tells me that my body was using every bit of that energy for repair and everyday functioning. 

Also, I always know when it is meal time without looking at a clock as my stomach starts screaming out for more food. I get so hungry before each meal which I know is my bodies way of telling me that it needs more energy. So don't feel guilty for the recovery amounts of food you are eating, instead feel happy that you are giving your body exactly what it needs. The amount other people are eating really doesn't matter. Just concentrate on yourself and your own needs.

I am finally feeling completely healthy again as my runny nose and sick feelings have both completely passed. Something that truly amazes me is how wonderful my immune system now is, now that I am eating so much and looking after my body so well. Even when I get something like a cold, I barely even know it's there as my immune system must just fight it off before it makes me sick. 

I feel so strong and alive now that I am giving my body what it needs and even though I have been working so much lately, I have still had all the energy I require to get through each day.  I am working at the supermarket with my mum this morning which should be interesting. I will let you all know how it goes. Have a good day everyone. I am going to make myself breakfast, my stomach tells me it is breakfast time! ;) 

Waking early

As I started to get tired last night, I started to get more anxious about what I had eaten for my tea. In the end I decided the best thing I could do was go to bed and try and get some sleep, which luckily I was able to do. I woke up very early this morning feeling extremely hungry. I put on Greys Anatomy and waited for a while, hoping that the feeling would pass but when It still hadnt by 3:40 am, I decided to have some of my breakfast. I had a bowl of Caramel oats, with a sliced banana on top but still wasnt completely satisfied.

It was not until I had my toast at 5:00am that my stomach seemed happy. I had cashew butter spread on my toast however the cashew butter was rock hard and unspreadable because my kitchen was so cold. So I had to cook my toast and put a big lump of cashew butter on each slice of toast, that I then had to heat in the microwave in order to make the cashew butter spreadable. The reason I dont like having breakfast too early is because it seems too muck up all of my other meals for the day, as I always start to get hungry approximately 2.5/3 hours after my last meal.

Since waking up I no longer feel anxious about my Tea last night. Instead I am happy that I was brave enough to take the opportunity to face my fears and fight my anorexic thoughts. Yes I felt anxious afterwoods but I still didnt let this effect my actions which is all that you need to do in order to successfully fight your anorexia.

I am feeling quite positive at this stage but am not expecting to have an excellent day as I will be tired and my anorexic thoughts always seem so much stronger and harder to fight when I am tired. I dont know why this is the case but other people who suffer from anorexia that I have spoken to have found the exact same thing applies to them. I think the reason I find it harder is because when I am tired I lose the ability to think clearly and rationally.


I dont have many plans for my day off today so atleast I can have a nap if I get really tired due to the lack of sleep I had last night. I will vacuum my house as well since I am busy all weekend and wont get a chance to do it then. I also plan to make some more puddings of some description. Last time I made lemon but it was so delicious I am tempted to make it again.

I hope that everyone has had or is having a wonderful day today. :) To all of those fighting their illnesses, make sure you keep fighting and remember that recovery is possible, you just need to believe in yourself. <3

Extreme Hunger

At the moment I am feeling really hungry all the time. I am used to eating a meal every 3 hours but this morning after eating breakfast at 6:00 am, I was already starving again by 8:00. I decided to wait until 8:45 before having my Morning Tea but I have just read on the website 'your Eatopia' that this was the wrong thing to do. To read the article I read, click here.

I know that the article says that you should not stick to a certain intake amount if you feel hungrier but the thought of just eating extra and not sticking to my meal plan scares me so much. As I mentioned in my post yesterday 'Binging in Anorexia Recovery', the thought of binging really scares me and I feel as though this could happen if I stop following my meal plan. Eating all the food itself isn't actually what scares me, what I am frightened of is the way I know I will feel about myself afterwards, if I was to binge.

The article says that eating more wont make you relapse and that restricting will, but I don't agree with this. I know that I will not cope with a binge at all if it was to happen and that it would make me feel incredibely guilty and ashaimed. The last thing I want to do is make myself hate food and eating as I am finally really enjoying it again. What does everybody else think? Is it ok to just keep eating according to my meal plan and to ignore my hunger cues as long as I am still gaining weight?

I wish that I was strong enough to just listen to my body and eat the extra food but I honestly don't think I am yet. I know that I can gain weight eating what I currently am, atleast for a while and I would feel so much happier and less anxious if I just continued to follow my meal plan. Eventually, once I am weight restored I have full intentions of learning to eat intuitively, stop counting calories completely and to listen to my hunger cues.

I don't think I can cope with eating even more extreme quantities of food than I allready am right now as I am working on so many other aspects of my recovery as well. Afterall, I dont want to push myself too far if it is going to cause more damage than good in regards to my anorexia recovery.


I feel strange showing you all this weaker side of me, like I am somehow failing everyone who reads my blog as well as myself. I have been writing really positive things in relation to my recovery lately but it is important that I am completely honest on my blog and share my struggles as well as my accomplishments. There is no point in making everyone believe that I am practically recovered because I am definitely not. I know I still have a long way to go before I am weight restored and have a 'normal' relationship with food again.