An update + To the Bone review

I thought I would write a post and just update everyone on how I have been going lately. I haven't written a personal post for a long time and although I feel guilty for not posting more often, regular blogging just doesn't feel like the right thing for me anymore. I miss some aspects of blogging and am incredibly grateful for my blog, as I honestly don't think I would have ever recovered without it but in order to move keep moving forward, I felt as though writing about anorexia all the time was keeping me in the past and preventing me from getting on with my life. I love the fact that people from all over the world are still reading my blog though and love hearing from people, who say that my blog is helping them in there own recoveries.

I have just had a month off from university which was great as exams at the end of last semester really took it out of me. I found myself getting incredibly stressed and anxious and I was a real mess for a couple of weeks. I managed to get through them though and was really happy with the results I received, so it all seemed worth it in the end. Just before exams I had been working out everyday and was in the best shape of my life. I had not only got fitter but stronger too. I cut out nearly all exercise whilst I was doing my exams however and am only just starting to get right back into it again. It was nice to have a break though and I am excited to try and get my fitness back to where it was about 2 months ago. The challenge for me will be to also increase my food uptake to make sure I don't lose any weight.

I still find that I lose weight very easily and find it much harder to gain weight. Although I cut out exercise whilst I was studying for my exams, loss of muscle as well as stress lead to me losing about 2 kilograms. This is also why I didn't start exercising again straight after exams as I wanted to regain the weight first, which I have now done. My relationship with food is still really good (the best it has ever been) and my eating disorder no longer interferes with my life. I eat 6 meals a day without fail and although I mainly eat typically healthy foods, I also enjoy eating other foods too like pizza, ice cream and chocolate. I still use some Herbalife products but not as many as I used to (mainly because I could not afford to keep using all of the products I was). I still have a shake when I get up every morning, drink the herbal tea and use the protein powder and a few of the vitamins.

I have started university again this week and spent last weekend in my hometown with my boyfriend. I don't get back to Swansea all that often so when I do it is really nice to see all of my family, especially my little sister and my dad. I don't really have any plans for this weekend but I will most likely spend it trying to stay warm. It has been freezing here lately and although there is no snow where I live, we wake up most mornings to a frost and sometimes the temperature doesn't go above 5 degrees Celsius. I still try and get out for a walk most days though as otherwise I find I start to feel a bit depressed and down if I stay inside all the time, especially when I am in Launceston by myself.

I watched To the Bone the other day and was really disappointed by it (as I think most people were). I was expecting the film to be a really good representation of what Anorexia is truly like as the film was directed by someone who had anorexia and the main actress had also suffered from anorexia however that wasn't the case at all. I had hoped that the film would raise awareness about anorexia and show the world what it was really about however I think if anything, it reinforced the stereotypes that are currently associated with anorexia in our society. I also think it would have been really triggering to anyone with the illness and don't recommend anyone watches it who is currently suffering from anorexia or trying to recover. I was also quite outraged that the main character was asked to lose weight to resemble someone with anorexia as she had actually previously had anorexia and recovered. This is an incredibly dangerous thing to ask any recovered anorexic to do and I hope that it hasn't made that actor relapse.

I better get back to my studying, thanks to all of those people who still read my blog, despite the fact I rarely post anymore. And always remember that if you are suffering from an eating disorder or trying to recover, no matter how impossible it may seem, YOU CAN RECOVER! No matter how difficult it may seem, you are strong enough to fight your illness and do what it takes to recover. I promise you that it is more than worth it in the end, when you get to live the life you truly deserve to live! Stay strong, You've got this! 

'She believed she could so she did'

Since I only briefly talked about my new tattoo in my last post, I thought I would dedicate a whole post to my tattoo and the meaning behind it. I have wanted a tattoo for about 12 months now, so took advantage of the opportunity to get one when my boyfriend and I went to Melbourne for the weekend. Although I never intended to get one quite so big, I absolutely love my new tattoo and wouldn't change a single thing about it.

I wanted a tattoo that represented my recovery from anorexia and couldn't think of a more special or relevant quote to me than 'She believed she could so she did.' To me, this means that all you need to do in order to make your dreams come true is to believe in yourself. I honestly believe that anyone can recover if they believe it is possible and that they can do it. Now I have done something as seemingly impossible as recovering from anorexia, I really do believe I am capable of doing anything I set my mind to.

Ever since my mum bought me a dream catcher as a child and hung it above my bed, I have loved the idea of how dream catchers 'filter' your dreams. I have also always loved dream catcher tattoos as I yhink they look really effective. The following website explains the actual meaning of a dream catcher tattoo really well;
The tattoo signifies that harmful dreams are chased away and positive dreams will stay, bring protection to the one who wears the ink. 

Melbourne and my tattoo

After having an amazing weekend away with my boyfriend in Melbourne, I really wish we didn't have to head back home. We are currently on the short plane trip back to Tasmania soI thought I would make good use of the time and write a blog post, to tell you all about my weekend away. It was a really busy few days so my boyfriend and I are both pretty exhausted. I dont think my boyfriend was impressed that I booked early morning flights either because it meant we had to get up at 5am. Oh well, atleast we will be back early enough so that I can make it to my university classes.

We arrived in Melbourne at about 10 am on Friday morning and made our way to our hotel. We were stayed at the Crown casino which was really nice and also HUGE.. I didnt realise just how much there was at the crown casino. There were restaurants, places to go shopping, a cinema, night clubs and of course a casino too. It really was incredible! After leaving our bags in our hotel room, we caught a taxi to St. Kilda and got some lunch. I had the soup of the day which was a cauliflower and pumpkin soup that also came with some yummy bread. I also got a serve of crumbed eggplant which were AMAZING!

After lunch we headed back to the hotel and wandered around for a while, checking everythinb out. We went for a swim and the pool was nice and warm.  I also enjoyed relaxing in the spa. After spending an hour or so in the pool we headed back to our room and had a couple of relaxing drinks before heading out to tea and then the casino. We went to a restasurant called the Merrywell for tea where Nathan got a burger and fries and I got wood fire roasted vegetables with grilled chicken. After tea and a couple more drinks we went to the casino where Nathan played some roulette. We had a great night together, chatting and drinking and even went to one of the night clubs for a while before we headed to bed at about midnight.

We slept until 9 or so Saturday morning and then went out for a late breakfast at about 10:30. I had strawberry and rhubarb porridge which tasted amazing. We then went shopping at the DFO's where I got a new 'puffer jacket' as my old one had a broken zip. I got a nice MACPAC one that was $280 reduced to $90 so I was really pleased with that. I also got some new adidas tights to wear to the gym and a Roxy hooded jumper that was only $20 reduced from $70. As a surpprise Nathan bought me tickets to the musical 'Matilda' so we headed to that after we went shopping. I dont think Nathan was that keen to go to the musicalat first but I think he ended up enjoying it just as much as i did. It was a really great show! By the time Matilda finished it was almost 5 o'clock and since we had eaten anything since breakfast, we were both starving.

We stopped at a place called the 'Republic Bar' for tea and we both enjoyed chicken schnitzel with chips and salad. It was really nice to have a simple but hearty meal for tea after eating a a bit fancier foods until then. Then we went back to the casino where we had adrink before heading to the football. Nathan goes for St.Kilda and I go for North Melbourne which were the two teams playing so it was a great game for us to go too. I was really glad that my team won but it was a good game so I think Nathanstill really enjoyed it which is good. After the ffotball we walked back to the hotel and went out until about midnight again. We fell in to bed, both exhausted after a huge day and didn't get up until about 9:30 the next day.

We met my friend Ella for breakfast the next morning at the safe cafe we went to for breakfast the day before. I had a delIcious breafast that came with beans, poached eggs, fetta and turkish bread as well as a skinny late. It was good to catch up with my friend as I dont get to see here very often, now that we live in different states. Nathan and I both said that we would like to maybe live in Melbourne one day though as we both enjoyed our time there so much. Whilst we were eating breakfast, I decided it would be a good chance to get a tattoo while we were in Melbourne. So we found a tattoo studio and I got adesign drawn up that I loved. My appointment wasn't until 3 o'clock so we headed back to the hotel for an hour or two and just relaxed and had some fruitsalad for Afternoon tea.

I was quite nervous about getting my tattoo as I had no idea what to expect. I was getting a tattoo in my ribs which is one of the most painful placesto get oneand it was quite a big tattoo as well. Also because I have a thin stomach, the tattooist warned me it would probably be painful, especially when tattooing over each rib bone. It took two hours and although it was a bit uncomfortable at times, it wasn't too bad. The pain was there but very barable and I coped well with it, probably due to the fact I have a pretty high pain threshold. I absolutely loved the finished product and so did my boyfriend which I was really glad about.

The pictures arent that clear and it is a bit swollen but this is what it looks like :) the quote says; she believed she could do she did

Recovery tattoo

My brother text me a couple of days ago asking me if I wanted to go with him someday soon to get a tattoo. I was so happy that my brother thought to ask me if we wanted to go and get tattoos together. I thought it was incredibely sweet that out of all the people he could have asked, he chose to instead ask me.

I really feel as though I have a much better relationship with my brothers now that I am so much better and I think that this is because they are so proud of me and happy for me for everything I have achieved. Getting a tattoo is something I have been thinking about doing for some time now, but I think that now is a good time to get a recovery tattoo, as I really have come a long way in my recovery.

I have had mixed feeling about what I wanted my tattoo to say/be, but I have finally decided what I would like. I know that Imfefinetely want to get the phrase 'SHE BELIEVED SHE COULD, SO SHE DID.' I am not 100% sure if I will just get the writing or if I will get a bird of other image as well and I am also not quite sure where I want to get it.

I really love tattoos on the back but dont think I would like one myself, as I would never get to see it. Because this tattoo has a special meaning to me, I want to have it placed somewhere Where Inwill be able to see it and enjoy it. But i also dont want it somewhere incredibely obvious either.

Does anyone have any suggestions about wherevthey think I should get a tattoo? Or about whether I should get just writing or whether I should get a picture too. I know that it has to be my choice as I am going to be stuck with it for the rest of my life but I would love to hear your thoughts too.

The phrase I have finally decided I want

I think that birds Tattoos are really beautiful

To me birds symbolise freedom which is also relevent to my recovery journey
 

If I decide to just get the phrase, I may get a birr tattoo as a second one

 

I love this tattoo (both the image and the position) but I would never get to see it. SO IF i got a tattoo in this spot I would want another one as well, somewhere I could see.