My eating disorder at the moment

I have mentioned in various posts over the last few weeks about my current recovery plans but I thought it would be a good idea just to write a master post about exactly where I am at in regards to my anorexia and my recovery. After reaching a healthy weight I decided to reduce my intake from 3200 calories to 2500. I did not do this over a single day but instead I did it quite gradually, over a week or so.

I did not only reduce my intake because I had exceeded the goal weight my doctor had set me, but also because I felt as though I really didnt need all of the food I was eating anymore. I knew that I was eating far more then my body actually needed which led to me losing my appetite and becoming completely uninterested in food which is quite unusual for me.

My body shape had returned to what it was prior to me developing anorexia and I was still relatively comfortable (as comfortable as someone with anorexia could be) with my body. Since I was still reasonabely comfortable with how I looked and I was a healthy weight, I did not want to gain too much more weight as I knew that this would only make accepting myself even more diffcult and this could lead to me relapsing.

Since reducing my intake and also increasing my exercise a little, I have mangaged to maintain my weight which is what I was aiming to do. I am confident that I made the right choice to decrease my intake as I am still feeling great. I am full of energy and have a healtthy appetite once again. I have also noticed that my sensitivity to the cold has not returned which makes mre think that I am still eating enough.

You must rememeber that everyone is different and that each individual requires different amounts of food, depending upon who they are and where they are at in their recoveries. For example even though some people consider 2500 calories to be a recovery intake, for me this is a maintenence intake. Some people may consider this to be quite a high maintenence intake however I feel as though it is exactly what my body needs in order to function efficiently.

Now that I have got my body to a relatively healthy state, I know that it is minly just my mental health that I need to keep working on. While my anorexia is still there and still causes me daily anxiety, I can honestly say that it is getting better everyday. every day is a little bit easier and I can also feel myself getting stronger.  Even though I still get anorexic thoughts, I find it much easier to ignore them now.

I find that I can think so much more rationally now and I suppose that this is because my brain is getting physcally healthier as well as mentally. And while I still get self consious sometimes, it is nowhere near as bad as it was before I developed anorexia. I am much more accepting of my body and also appreciate my body more now, for all of the wonderful things it does for me.

Once I have maintained my weight for a while, the next step for me will be to start trying to eat intuitively. This is something that I am incredibely nervous about as I am worried that I  may eat either too much or too little. Learning to listen to your body after ignoring it for so long is a huge challege but I desperately want to stop counting calories for good, so it is a challenge I am willing to face. Like all of the other challenges I have faced so far in my recovery, I am determined to do whatever it takes in order to overcome it.

I hope that everyone else is doing well in their own recoveries and making progress. Remember that recovery is painful but the only way you will make progress is if you fight through the pain and anxiety. One day it will all be worth it, I promise! <3 xx