Day 25: Your biggest regret

My biggest regret is the way I saw myself before I developed anorexia. I can see now that there was nothing wrong with the way Ilooked before I developed my eating disorder and know that if only I could have realised this then, I would never have developed anorexia in the first place.

I was unhappy with the way I looked as I wasn't 'perfect' and believed that if I could get skinny, I would be able to be truly happy. Now I know that my weight was not the reason I was unhappy in the first place, but my unhappiness was in fact due to other things. Now I see that I should have tried to tackle those issues in my life instead of trying to fix everything by losing weight.

I wish I realised that the problem was never with my body, but instead the problem was with how I saw myself. The thing that I needed to change back then was my self esteem, not the way that I actually looked. I was healthy back before my eating disorder and I so wish that I had just been able to apprecciate my body, exactly the way it was.

Hating my body and deciding I wanted to lose weight was one of the worst mistakes I have ever made and something I deeply regret. One thing is for sure however, I am never going to make this same mistake twise. I will never forget the way that my anorexia sucked me into it's trap and I will never allow myself to hate my body and try and change who I am really supposed to be.