Free of thoughts

Although I know I still have a little way to go before I am completely free of my anorexia, I still feel fantastic with just the progress I have made so far. This morning while I was spreading crunnchy Almond butter on my toast, I spread it on almost twice a thick as I usually do.

I did not do this for any particular reason but just because I felt like it extra thick this morning. Whilst I was doing it I didn't have any anxious thoughts or feeling of guilt. I wasn't thinking about how much exercise I would have to do later to make up for it. At that moment, I was just a normal girl. 

This is one of the first times I have been able to do something like that without getting any anorexic thoughts at all. Usually I get anorexic thoughts and feel anxious but just fight the thoughts and try to ignore them. Today however I didn't get the thoughts in the first place. 

I have been fighting my anorexic thoughts for that long that I had started to wonder whether they would ever leave but this just proves that eventually they do start to fade. Even though this was only something so tiny it really did mean something big for me and my recovery.  

This just goes to show that if you do continue to fight your anorexic thoughts, no matter how long it may take, they will eventually go. So no matter how fed up you feel at the moment in your recovery, please don't give up because getting rid of your anorexic thoughts is possible.

I have always hoped that if you dont act upon your anorexic thoughts, then your anorexia will get tired of being ignored and eventually go away all together but I wasn't totally convinced that this was in fact true. Now however I do believe this to be completely true as I have experienced it myself.

I know that I am still going to get anorexic thoughts from time to time, in fact I have had some since eating my breakfast this morning. I am ok with this however as now I know that I am improving and that eventually, if I keep fighting they will dissappear all together.