Then... Something clicks

It is so hard for me to see some of my readers feeling so helpless and awful with their eating disorders but still not really wanting recovery. I rememeber exactly what it is like to be in this position which makes me even sadder and I hate to think of anyone suffering in that way. I want them so much to realise that they are strong enough to recover and that recovery is worth it however unfortuately, they just don't believe these things.

Everyday I try and remind them of these things though in the hope that it will help them to start wanting recovery. To me, true recovery only really becomes possible when something clicks inside of you. Before this happens, although you may be fed up with being sick and miserable, you don't really want to get better and change your ways either as it just feels too hard and you are not willing to make the changes that recovery requires.

I cant remember exactly what made that thing 'click' inside of me but I think that it happened when I bascally realised that I wanted to be well, so much more then I wanted to be anorexic, even if that meant ganing weight. It is only then that I became willing to do whatever it took in order to recover. After that time, I no longer dreamed of being super skinny as I knew that this would not bring me hapiness in any way.

I honestly do not think a person can recover whilst they still have the goal of losing weight or remaining at a very low weight as they simply will not have the determination to fight their anorexic thoughts. This does not mean that recovery is impossible for a person still experiencing these thoughts however. It just means that they need to try and change their thoughts, before any real recovery progress can be made.

In order to be in the right state of mind for recovery, you really do need to separate yourself from your anorexia. Instead of thinking, 'I want to be skinnier' you need to think 'My anorexia wants me to be skinnier'. You will not be able to fight against your anorexic thoughts if you basically agree with them as your heart simply will not be in recovery.

You need to realise that you can not be happy or healthy whilst you are underweight and that whilst you remain underweight, you are doing damage to your body and preventing in from fuctioning optimally. I know how hard it is for you to start thinking with a recovery mindset but I know that it is possible and this is why I refuse to give up on any of you who are currently going through this.

To some of you I probably sound like a cracked record as I continue to say the same things over and over again but I do this in the hope that one of these days it will help something to click inside of you, which will finally allow you to be ready to recover. If you do not truly want to recover yet, please don't give up. Keep trying to fight your anorexia and please try your hardest to look after yourself as best as you possibly can until you are ready to recover. For me, the terrifying thing is that not everyone has their breakthrough moment before it is too late.

By this I mean that that sadly anorexia kills some people before they realise that recovery is possible and worth it. I think that we all need to remember that this is what our anorexia ultimately wants, it wants us dead. And that is exactly why we cant listen to it and why we must separate ourselves from it. We would not believe anything a serial killer or a murderer told us so why should be listen to anything that our anorexia tells us?

Whilst I was sick, I had heard from various people that recovery would not become possible for me until something clicked inside of me and I started truly wanting recovery. I never really believed this though as i honestly could not even imagine ever feeling or thinking any differently. I guess the point I am trying to prove to ou all through this post is that it is 100% true. Once you realise that your anorexia and being thin is causing you nothing but unhapiness and poor health and that you truly wnt to change, no matter what this may involve doing, recovery finally becomes possible.