Keeping motivated and never giving up

'I wanted to ask how did you keep so motivated while you were gaining. It must of been a challenge living by yourself. When you got closer to your target how did you push that little bit more. Did you ever think "this weight will do" when you were nearly there?'

This is a really good question and I can remember back to a time when I simply wouldn't have been able to keep fighting and keep moving forward  in my recovery. ow however, I know that I have the strength I need to keep fighting no matter what and to never give up. In order to get to this stage whereby I was ready to actually recover, quite a few things happened.

Firstly, I rached a kind of rock bottom whereby I was just so fed up with living the way that I was and desperately wanted to live a normal and happy life. I guess in order to recover, you need to want recovery more then you want your eating disorder and that is exacty how I felt. This means that everytime I am tempted by my anorexia to do the wrong thing, I have the prospect of recovery there to keep me on track and to make me keep fighting. I know what listening to my anorexia leads to and I do not want to live like that anymore. 

Honestly, another huge motivator for me is all of you, my readers. I really dont know if I would have been able to stick to recovery as well as I have if it wasn't for you all. Apart of me did want to stop gaining weight before I reached my goal weight and whilst I was still underweight however I didn't want to do this as I felt as though if I did, I would be letting all of you down. I want to recover to prove to everyne that making a full recovery is possible, as long as you believe in yourself and i wouldn't be able to do this if I did not reach a healthy weight.

I think A huge reason why I can now stand up and fight my aorexia is because I truly do believe in myself and I know that I am strong enough to do it. Before I started to believe in myself, I would give into my anorexic thoughts as I didn't think I was strong enough to fight them. Now, each time I get a strong anorexic thought, instead of giving into it, I fight it. I tell myself that I don't need to give into my anorexia and that through fighting, I will get even stronger and get even closer to making a full recovery.

Many people presume that recovery must be hard for me as I am living on my own however this has not been the case for me at all. Since I didn't develop anorexia until I was 17, my parents never really took charge of my recovery and never tried to control my intake as I simply didn't let them. Everything that I have done since starting my recovery I have decided to do completely on my own. In a way, I think that this is a good thing as it has meant that moving out was not hard for me in terms of my recovery at all, as nothing really changed. 

I guess the thing about recovering on your own is that you desperately need to want to recover for yourself, as if you dont, you probably won't have the motivation or determination you need in order to recover. If you feel as though you only eat to make your parents happy or to please other people, then moving out and living on your own woud not be a good idea at all. It would most likely lead to a relapse for sure as you would not feel 'pressured' to do the right thing at all. This is why wanting to recover for yourself is incredibely important. 

Also, I suppose my readers kind of act as my support system to a certain thing. Instead of thinking, 'I need to eat so that I dont dissappoint my parents', I think, 'I need to eat so that I dont dissappoint my readers.' Of course I do want to get better for my families sake too. I know I have put them through a lot and I know that making a full recovery will make them really happy. But I never felt as though I needed to eat whilst recovering to please them as I have always just done it completely on my own.

I hope that this answers you question Sonya, thanks for such a great post topic idea <3 x