Wednesday, 12 August 2015

Developing an ED is not your choice, but recovery is

While developing anorexia or any eating disorder is not something you choose, you must choose to recover, in order to do it. You have probably heard this said before however I believe that this is an incredibely important point to make. Firstly, your eating disorder is not your fault. You didn't choose to develop it and you definetely should not feel guilty for developing it. Just as a person should not be blamed for having cancer or another illness, you also should not be blamed for having an eating disorder.

Many people who do not properly understand eating disorders may fail to realise that you did not choose to get sick. I know that this was the case for my mum and she constantly made me feel awful about the fact that I had Anorexia. She would often remind me of everything I had given up because of my anorexia and about how I had thrown my life away. It is important that if people treat you this way, you do not believe what they are sayiing as this will jut make you feel more awful about yourself. 

I found recovery was even harder when I believed what my mum was saying as this caused me even more guilt and anxiety, which made my anorexia worse. It also made me hate myself more then I already did, which made me feel as though I didnt deserve to get better and that I was a bad person. In the end I stood up to my muum and told her that my eating disorder was not my fault and that I didn't choose to develop it. I still dont think that my mum really believed what I had said but the most important thing was that I was starting to believe it.

I think that realising this was really important as it made me feel less guilty and allowed me to stop hating myself quite as much. For a while after realising this however, I almost used it as an excuse to stay sick which I know was also wrong. Even when was I was doing something that I knew was incredibely unhealthy or wrong, I would reassure myself that it was ok as it was not my fault I was sick. This removed any guilt that I may have otherwise felt and therefore made listening to my anorexia incredibely easy.

Even though developing your eaating disorder was not your choice, you still should no use this as an an excuse to not fight your anorexia and get better. There really is no magic cre for anorexia and it cant simply go away on its own. You really must hoose to fight in order to recover. Whenever I am feeling particularly anxious aboutt any recovery steps I may be taking, I always remind myself that recovery is not supposed to be easy. Chances are, if you aren't feeling atleast a little bit anxious or uncomfortable, then you are not actually making recovery progress. 

In order to recover and live the wonderful life you truly deserve to live, you need to choose recovery, just like I have done. Another important point to make is that you will not only need to choose recovery once, you will have to keep choosing it, every single day. Simply deciding that you are going to try and recover does not mean tthat you are actually recovering. I claimed to be recovering over a period of 12 months or so before I actually trully entered my recovery. Although throughout that period I wanted to get better, I did not gain any weight at all and was not actively fighting my anorexia at all.

Please choose recovery. You are the only person who can do it and your life really does depend on it. I know it seems impossible but I promise you it isn't. It is painful at times but you are strong enough to get through it and the ife you can have once you are recovered will make all of the pain worth while. Getting sick was not somethig you chose to do but getting better is something you need to choose. All you need to do is elieve in yourself and you can make anything happen!  


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