Eventually, you will enjoy food again

When I was in hospital 3 years ago, I couldn't ever imagine a time when I would ever actually want to eat or a time that I would enjoy food again. When I was being force fed by the staff in hospital, I hated every bit of food I put in my mouth and saw food as the enemy. I wanted to write this post to let everyone who may be feeling this way know that food does not necessarily have to feel like the enemy forever and it is possible that you will be able to enjoy food again one day.

Of course eating in recovery can be scary at times and will most likely make you feel nervous or upset however I promise it does get easier as time goes on and as you get stronger. In fact looking back I can honestly say that I loved eating recovery amounts of food after a while and I also really enjoyed all of the types of foods that I ate in recovery. While it was hard to begin with, eventually I loved eating a chocolate bar every single day and having cake and pudding every single day too.

If it was healthy to do so, I would love to continue eating recovery amounts of food and the same types of food that I ate whilst I was gaining weight for the rest of my life. The fact of the matter is though,  that I know it is not healthy for ME to continue eating exactly the same as I did when I was trying to gain weight. While I still enjoy things like chocolate, pudding and cake sometimes, I know that it is not healthy for me to continue eating the same amount as I used to eat.

The only way you will start enjoying food again is if you overcome the fear and anxiety you may currently be experiencing, everytime you eat. Unfortunately the only way you can do this is if you push through those distressing feelings and continue to eat what you know in your heart is the best thing for your recovery. You need to stop listening to your anorexia and eventually the voice of your anorexia will be quiet enough so that you can enjoy eating again, without being screamed at by your anorexia.

It feels so good to be able to truly smile and just enjoy the taste of something delicious whilst you are eating it, especially when you may have believed in the past that enjoying food again one day would be impossible. Please stick to your recovery and you WILL enjoy food again one day, just like I eventually started to do. You just have to be patient and push through the hard times, so that you can get to the good times.