I don't know when it will be 'safe' for me to start listening to my hunger cues and not eating the exact same amount all the time, no matter how hungry I am feeling, Afterall, if a 'normal' person is not feeling as hungry on any particular occasion, they may not eat as much and that is completely normal and nothing at all to worry about. But I really dont feel ready to do this yet.
I suppose the thing I am fightened of is under eating, as I know that when I under eat, I am making an opportunity for my anorexia to sneak back in again. After all it is only when I undereat that I stop thinking as rationally and I become more vulunerable to my anorexic thoughts. So perhaps I just need to keep forcing myself to eat the same amount of food until I truly feel as though I am completely recovered.
I do believe that making a full recovery is possible but at the same time, I cant really imagine never having any anorexic thoughts at all. I know that even after I am recovered I may still feel self conscious and bad about myself sometimes as that is just a normal part of being a women but how will I know if it is my anorexia making me feel that way or if it is just normal inscurities that all people experience?
I suppose the most important thing to keep doing, both before and after I make a full recovery is to never act upon any thoughts I have that sound anything at all like anorexic thoughts. And I know that I shouldn't panic if ever do get the occasional anorexic-like thought as it really can't hurt me as long as I don't act upon it and I just ignore it. I still do believe that if I ignore all my anorexic thoughts for long enough, then eventually my anorexia will get sick of being ignored and leave me alone.
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| Cheesy spaghetti with mixed vegetables |
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