Bad body image day

Today, I have had a bad body image day. I know that I am probably no bigger today then I was yesterday or the day before however I have just felt huge all day. I think a few different things have made me feel like this. Firstly, I tried on a pair of long black shorts a couple of days ago and I couldn't even get them to come up over my calves. They have always been really tight on me anyway but now I cant get them on at all. Even though lots of my clothes have got a lot tighter, this was the first item of clothing that I have tried on that does not fit at all.

I have always been incredibely self conscious about my bum and legs as naturally I have a 'pear figure' with a tiny waist but a more curvier bottom half. Even though I am not yet feeling as self conscious as I did before I developed anorexia, it is starting to bother me more and more again. The non anorexic and rational part of me knows that there is nothing wrong with the way I look but instead there is just something wrong with the way I feel about the way I look. It is therefore my thoughts and body confidence that I need to change and not my body.

My boss said something today that bothered me as well. I got back from the supermarket at the end of my lunch break with some biscuits that I had bought to tak ehome with me. My bodd said "Look, she does buy unhealthy food" and the customer with her then said "oh, well she is thin so she can eat that kind of thing." What actually bohered me was what my boss said next. She said, "Oh, Karly has got fat since she started working here with us."

It is true that I have gained 12 kilograms since I started working at the bank 6 months ago but I think that it was really insensitive for my boss to say this, especially considering she knows about my battle with anorexia. I know that she was not trying to be nasty or anything but it still hurt when I heard her say this, especially since I was allready feeling self conscious about my body. I know I need to learn to ignore comments like these and not let them bother me however it is hard not to let these types of things bother you, especially when you are already feeling sensitive and vulunerable.

I just need to keep reminding myself that this is the way my body is supposed to be and that as long as I am healthy and happy, that is all that matters. Just beacause I have some fat on my bum and thighs does not mean I should hate myself or try to change how I look. It is just a part of what makes me me and I just need to learn to accept that.