Wednesday 6 May 2015

Windy weather and Wednesday weigh-in


I can honestly say that after not walking as much as I usually do yesterday, I didn't compensate in any way. I still ate just as much as I usually do and only took Tess for a small walk when I got home yesterday afternoon. It had actually stopped raining yesterday morning before I went to work but I didnt walk Tess anyway as I wanted to challenge my anorexia and prove I could be stronger. I have decided to try and 'miss' walks more often as I want to be able to feel completely fine when I dont exercise as much. Feeling guilty for not exercising is not a healthy behaviour and something I need to overcome.


Last night it was extremely windy. While wind is not uncommon where I live, I have never seen winds as strong and powerful as that. It was quite scary as my whole house rattled and shook and I could hear huge bangs and crashes from outside throughout the night. I let Tess sleep inside all night as it would have simply been too dangerous to put her outside so I think she was happy it was so windy. I hope that there isnt too much damage done around the area but i'm guessing there will be atleast some. Luckily the wind had died down now and it is relatively calm outside. Despite all of the wind I still got a pretty good nights sleep so I am feeling ready to start another day of work. Today I work at the supermarket from 8:30am until 5:45pm but hopefully
the day doesn't go too slowly.

Since it is Wednesday it is also my official weigh day. After being dissapointed with my weight on Sunday (you can read about it here), I felt a little nervous about stepping on the scale. I wasn't scared about gaining weight, but more scared that I may not have gained any weight even after increasing my intake on Sunday. I was glad to see that my weight had gone up 500g since Sunday (which is an overall increase of 300g since last Wednesday). Obviously adding in more food to my meal plan on Sunday did the trick so I have decided I will not need to increase my intake again today. Hopefully I dont need to increase my intake again as I honestly dont know what meal I would increase but I will cross that bridge if and when I come to it.

While I am coping ok with my current weight, I am really worried that it wont be long before i'm really not ok about it. Although I am feeling positive about the changes I am making now, I honestly think that I will find it much harder to fight my anorexic thoughts as my body starts to change. I feel like gaining weight will be like adding fuel to the fire, where my anorexia is the fire. I know I shouldnt waste time and energy worrying about this now as worrying wont stop it from happening but it is difficult for me not to. For now I know I just need to take my recovery one day, one meal and one bite at a time.



What is everybody elses experience of this? Did you find recovery continuously got easier or did it start to get harder again as you started to get closer to your goal weight?


2 comments:

  1. i think hun it's different for everyone. I was told in hospital once I got to a bmi of 18 then my mood would be much better and recovery would become easier. I think the theory behind this is, that when you are nearer to the healthier bmi you have the energy to think much more clearly and your brain is functioning properly again and you begin to realise you are stronger than the anorexia. This was certainly the case for my friend who has now fully recovered and is now living and embracing life to the full. For me though, I found things didnt really become alot easier. I found that when I reached the bmi of 17 my motivation to gain weight dropped as I became afraid of going up anymore. I think it all depends on the inidivdual. But hun NOTHING is simpossible. Things might get harder, they might get easier,,, but whateevr happens you jsut need to trust yourself and make sure you don't stop at "half recovered" as this hun is still a life when you are controlled by the eating disorder.

    Oh and hun I am almost done with the second day of the challeneg, I will publish it tomorrow <3 xxx

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Emmy for your advice. It makes sence when you explain it like that. X

      No your right. We need to keep at it until we fully recover no matter how hard it gets.

      I look forward to reading it. X I am currently working on day 3 and am finding it very difficult. x

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