Friday, 22 May 2015
The year my eating disorder developed I was away at boarding school and I distinctly remember looking into the full length mirror in my bathroom each day as I was getting in the shower and absolutely hating what I saw. Before I left home a few months ago, I would see myself in my full length mirror on my wardrobe every time I entered my bedroom which just created many opportunities for my anorexia to lie to me about my body.
Last night as I was getting into the shower, I wondered about whether I look much different now that I have gained weight. The truth is i'm not really sure how my body looks because I dont have a large mirror to stand in front of and access how I look. I think that not having a large mirror in my house is a big part of the reason why I have coped relatively well with my weight gain. While I can obviously still see different parts of my body, I cant see my whole body at any one time as you can when you look into a full sized mirror.
I didnt make a conscious decision to not have a full sized mirror in my new house, it just worked out that way through chance but I believe it has been the best possible thing for me. It has stopped me from looking into the mirror and picking faults in my body, which I believe has been especially helpful at the moment as my body is changing. I still havent seen a huge difference in my body, which I think is due to not having a mirror and I therefore do not worry as much about gaining weight as I would have otherwise.
If it is possible, I highly reccommend taking your mirror away while you are in recovery. In fact, if looking in the mirror makes you feel negative about yourself, Why dont you take your full length mirrors away, regardless of whether you are in recovery or not. If your mirror cant be taken away, cover it up. If it is in you bedroom, why not cover the bottom half of the mirror with photos or posters.
I dont think I will ever have large mirrors in my house again as it is just too tempting to stand in front of it and start picking out what you dont like about yourself. I just use a tiny mirror on my bathroom cabinet to do my makeup in and have never needed anything bigger then that. What is the point in having large mirrors in your home if they dont work properly anyway?
If you realised you had a faulty thermometer that gave false readings, would you continue to use it every time you were sick? Of course you wouldn't. I know I cant trust that what I see when I look in the mirror is real, so why should I keep looking in the mirror? So many people have distorted body image issues but I honestly believe that by taking the mirror away, you are eliminating a large part of the problem.