While I was at my sickest, I know I was not a very nice person to be around. I was incredibely angry and argumentative. If I ever got in arguments with my mum, usually about what I was eating, I would yell and scream at her in the most awful way. One day I remember screaming at her in the most awful voice; "You make me want to Fucking kill myself." The worst thing was my little sister heard and began crying as she was terrified. When I went into these rages I really had no control over what I was saying or what I was doing. It really was as if I was possessed.
I only ever got into these 'possessed states' if someone confronted me about what I was eating or my weight loss as I suppose that is what made my anorexia the angriest. Usually these rages would end in me laying in the middle of the floor of my room, crying and screaming hysterically and completely out of control. I would dig my fingernails into my skin and scratch my arms and legs, kick the walls, hit the floor and bash myself in the head. At these times my anorexja was all that I was. The real me wasnt even there, or if it was it had no control what so ever.
So while I really do think that being sick with anorexia changed be for the worse, I believe that choosing to recover and begginning to recover has changed me for the better. I am stronger now then I ever have been in my life and I know that once I am able to overcome something as awful as anorexia, I will have the strength to overcome any other thing I may face in my life.