1. I have to drive in the city which is something I have never done before
While I have been driving in the country for years, I have never driven in the city as the thought of it has always made me really anxious. I could have asked my parents to drive me but I felt as though it was time for me to step outside of my comfort zone and confront this fear. All I need to do is remember to stay calm and breathe. It would be so much more convenient for me if I can learn to drive into the city by myself and I know that the only way I will ever conquer this fear is if I confront it head on.
2. I am going to be away from home for 3 nights so have to leave my dog Tess with my nan
I havent left Tess overnight before but I know she will hate it. I left her at my nans one day while I was at work to see how she would go and she howled and cried until I went back to get her. I dont want her to feel as though I have abandoned her as she is an extremely anxious dog (we are a great pair ;) ). I like my daily routine and being at home but I know that it is good to step outside your comfort zone sometimes and break your routine.
3. There are no cooking facilities in my hotel room so I will not be able to eat my normal meal plan.
Fortunately there is a bar fridge and kettle in my room but there isn't anything else. I am taking a toaster so I can atleast make myself toast for breakfast and my morning Tea, lunch and afternoon tea can hopefully all still be the same. Lunch is actually provided as apart of the course but I would just prefer to take my own lunch so I can be confident I am eating enough. I know it is important to step outside your comfort zone but I know I would be constantly trying to analyze whether I had eaten either too little or two much which would make me feel incredibely anxious.
4. I will have to eat at the restaurant 3 nights in a row
I still find eating out difficult even for just a single night so I am really nervous about doing this three nights in a row. I will have no idea how many calories each meal contains but I am determined to make the most of this opportunity to fight my anorexia. I can find ordering off of a menu quite difficult as my anorexic thoughts start to get jumbled up with my own but I am confident I will be able to choose and eat a substantial meal each night. The main challenge for me will be to stop myself from restricting after dinner if I get a particularly big meal.
5. I dont know anyone who is going to be there
I admit that I dont have great social skills, especially since having anorexia. I have become very socially withdrawn since becoming ill and get nervous before meeting new people. Due to my lack of self confidence, I constantly worry about what others think of me and that I will do something wrong or embarrasing. While it makes me anxious, I know that opportunities like these are exactely what I need to meet new people and become more confident in myself.
So this is going to be a challenging week for me but also a good week for me to face some of my fears and also to fight my anorexia. Luckily there is free wifi at the hotel so I will be able to take my tablet and continue blogging as usual and update you all on how I am coping.
I have no idea what I will have for dessert each night. I dont think I feel ready to eat dessert at the restaurant straight after my main meal yet but perhaps this is exactely what I need to do. I just dont want to push myself too hard and end up feeling completely awful about myself and moving backwards in my recovery. What do you think I should do?