Sunday, 17 May 2015

Day 14: Think about yourself 1 year ago, how have you changed?

Then vs Now

Weighing every single bit of food I ate
Eating nearly every food without weighing it first (there are a few exceptions)

Needing to know the EXACT calorie count of everything I ate
keeping a rough idea about how many calories I eat (so I know I am eating enough)

Seeing exercise as something I had to do every day no matter what
walking my dog twise a day when I can, otherwise I dont exercise at all

compulsively counting macronutrients as well as calories
having absalutely no idea what macronutrients I eat each day and not caring

Being absaluteltly terrified of gaining any weight
Feeling dissapointed if I fail to gain weight

Feeling as though recovery is impossible
believing that I can recover

Eating less calories then what is reccommended for the average women
Eating far more calories then what is reccommended for the average man

Refusing to eat food prepared by anyone else
being able to push myself to eat food prepared by others

Compensating for eating more at one meal or being unable to exercise by restricting
Realising it is perfectly ok to eat more or exercise less without compensating

Refusing to drink anything but water and coke zero
drinking Up and Go meal supplement drinks, juice and hot chocolate as well as water

Looking for foods to eat with a really low calorie density
Looking for foods to eat with a high calorie density

Still thinking that being thin was the answer to my problems
Realising that being thin would only make my problems worse

Being completely socially withdrawn and miserable at university in the city
Being back in my home town and happily socialising everyday at work

Spending atleast an hour on my calorie counting app each day planning meals
Not even opening my calorie app most days (and if I do, I look up only a single food)

Letting my anorexia call the shots
doing the complete opposite of whatever my anorexia tells me to do

These are just some of the differences between the way I was living one year ago and how I am now living today. I could go on writing but the list really does seem endless. I am almost a completely different person now. I have a whole new attitude about life and recovery and am now ready to start living the life I know I deserve to have. Seeing just how far I have come in the last year, reminds me of what I am capable of achieving over the next year of my life and this excites me very much. BRING ON RECOVERY!

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