A small set back

Since it has been just over half a week since I last weighed myself I thought it would be a good idea to weigh myself this morning to make sure I am still on track with my weight gain. I wasn't as nervous about stepping on the scale as I was last time because of how well I handled my last weight gain and I was so sure I would still be gaining weight. I was extremely shocked to see that I hadnt gained any weight at all. In fact according to my scales I had actually lost 200g. I stepped off the scale and re-weighed my self in the hope that my scale had just given me an inaccurate reading but unfortunately I continued to get the exact same result. 

I dont think I have actually lost real body weight as I have been eating so much and small weight fluctuations are to be expected from day to day but it is obvious that I have not gained any weight either. I was incredibely dissapointed and felt like I had failed myself as well as my readers. I thought about what i have done differently over the past 4 days and soon realised that I haven't done anything differently at all. I ate just as much as I did the week before when I gained half a kilo and if anything, I have been less active. 

Yes, it is unfortunate that I haven't gained any weight over the past 4 days but it isn't because I have done anything wrong, therefore I should not punish myself for it. In fact I should be proud of myself for the way I have decided to take action and increase my calories again right now. 

I could have listened to my anorexia when it tried to convince me to wait until Wednesday, which is the day I usually weigh myself and decide whether I need to increase my intake for the next week. Or I could have believed my anorexia when it tried to tell me that my scale must be broken as I was definetely looking fatter. But I didn't. Instead I reminded myself about how much I want to recover, which I cant do unless I gain more weight. 

I am guessing that the  reason I haven't gained weight so far this week even though I am eating the same as what I did last week when I did gain weight is that I am experiencing hypermetabolism. Hypermetabolism is very common in recovery and literally just means that your resting metabolic rate significantly increases as you start eating more. I am quite confident that I am experiencing this as the most common symptom of this is feeling sensitive to the heat which I definetely am experiencing at the moment. Prior to now I have always felt very cold, even on nice days but now I feel as though I am overheating all the time even when its cold and I seem to be sweating more then usual as well.

 It is important that we all remember that hypermetabolism is a relatively normal part of anorexia revovery and that we cant stop it from happening. All we can do is make sure we increase our intakes accordingly so that we continue gaining weight. The meal I plan on increasing is my dessert. This meal is my smallest meal so It makes sence to increase it so that it is the same size as my other two snacks. From now on instead of just having dessert which I will add an extra serving of icecream or custard to, I will also have a hot chocolate for supper just before going to bed.

While I want to set a good example for all those people out there who read my blog and who are trying to recover, I know I cant expect my recovery to run perfectly smoothly either. Afterall, expecting myself to be perfect all the time is one of the things I need to overcome as I recover. I want to be completely honest with you all which is why I shared this little bit of not so good news with you. There is no point in me making recovery look easy, because it simply isn't. Sharing my struggles and setback will hopefully be helpful to you anyway, as it gives me a chance to explain how I managed to get past them and continue on my fight.