Accepting weight gain in recovery

I think that one of the most difficult and triggering things about recovery from anorexia can be seeing your weight increase, both on the scale and as your body gets bigger too. I guess the reson it is so hard is that anorexics practically dedicate their lives to preventing weight gain and just because they make a committment to recovery, does not mean this fear or pattern of thinking that is so deeply instilled in them instantly goes away.

There is no way of avoiding it, the fact of the matter is if you want to make a full recovery from anorexia, you will need to get to a healthy weight. Telling yourself anything different will mean you are only setting yourself up for failure and more pain in the future. Your body and mind simply wont work properly whilst you are underweight and you will therefore never be able to get rid of your anorexic thoughts all together or make a full physical recovery either.

Whilst I was gaining weight, I remember feeling a mixture of emotions everytime I stood on the scale. If I had failed to gain any weight, the part of me that wanted to recover woukd be dissapointed but at the same time, the anorexic part of me would be overjoyed. Getting these types of anorexic thoughts at stsges throughout your recovery are completely normal and nothing you should be ashaimed of. Alk that matters is that you do not change your behaviors based on these thoughts. Accept that they are there but chose to ignore them.

Similarily, everytime I stepped on the scale and saw that I had gained weight the part of me that was dedicated to recovery was glad but the anorexic part of me was furious. I believe thst in order to stay on track in recovery as you experience weight gain, is that you need to want recovery, more than anything else in the world. Before I began my 'true' recovery, I reached a point whereby I was completely fed up and miserable with my anorexic life. I started wanting a recovered life, more than anything wlse in the world. It was only then that I was able to find the strength I needed to fight my anorexia and make actual recovery progress.

An important thing lto remember is that as you continue gaining weight, it does get easier. So dont think that the anxiety and pain you experience the first time you realise you have gained weight will persist through your entire weight restoration phase of recovery. I think a big part of the reason that it gets easier is because as your weight increases, your brain chemistry normalises too. This means that your thinking becomes more rational and some of your biggest fears like gaining will therefore lose some of their significsnce. 

I am a huge believer that the only way to overcome a fear is to face it, so by gaining weight and doing the exact thing you fear, it will slowly become less scary. No matter how hard it may seem you just need to remind yourself of how much you want recovery and the fact that you will not recover if you dont gain weight. The reason I was able to push through the fear and anxiety if weight gain is that I wanted recovery so badly, more than anything else in the world. 

My weekend

I hope that like myself, you all had a fantastic weekend and that you are all pumped and energised for the week ahead! :) 

On Sunday I had my Herbalife shake party/wellness day which was a truly great day. Now that I have become a senior consult with Herbalife, not only do I get to live the incredible Herba-life-style myself but I can also help others around me to reach their health and wellness goals too. So my wellness day was a bit of an introduction to some people who have shown interest in my Herbalife and an opportunity for them to become my clients. I am so so excited to be coaching and supporting others to become healthier versions of themselves as this is something I am very passionate about. I have already got two new clients and I cant wat to continue to change the lives of more and more people in the future, just as my own life has been changed for the better!

Everyone who came to my shake party

Some of the snacks at my party

HERBALIFE chocolate which I made with cookies and cream shake mix and coconut oil. I even added sultanas and almonds to make a fruit and nut chocolate which was delicious!

My lunch from today; wholegrain toast topped with baby spinach, cherry tomatoes, scrambled eggs and tomato sauce plus vanilla yoghurt with strawberries

My instagram facebook picture post from this morning :) 

Food diary

I Herbalife shake made with 250mL lite Soy milk, 1 banana, 3 strawberries, 6 ice cubes, 2 scoops of vanilla nutritional mix and 1 dash of cinnamon

2 portions of honey roasted nut oats made with 125mL soy milk, 250mL water, 1 scoop Herbalife personalised protein powder, 1 tsp vanilla essence

Baby spinach, cherry tomatoes and scrambled eggs (2 eggs, 1/4 c soy milk) on two slices of wholegrain toast and topped with tomato relish + 1 small cookies and cream protein bar

1 packet of salt and vinegar Mini rice cakes, 1 apple and 1 Chobani Strawberry yoghurt

Beef cannelloni with boiled veggies (sweet potato, carrot, broccoli and peas)

Herbalife microwave mug cake (1 egg, 1/4 cup of milk, 1 tbs protein powder, 2 tbs cookies and cream nutritional shake mix) topped with natural greek yogurt

Throughout the day I also make sure I stay hydrated with plenty of water,  herbalife peach tea and herbalife Aloe concentrate I also take 4 different supplements, 3 times per day :)

Birthday weekend and booty lifestyle 4 week Challenge

Hi everyone :) I hope that like me you had a fantastic weekend and are now feeling pumped and ready to start a brand new week! Since it was such a busy week last week at uni with tests and assignments, it was so nice just to have a celebratory weekend where I could just let loose with friends and have fun. I asked one of my good friends from Hobart to come up to Launceston for the weekend so that we could go out with some of my other friends for a birthday dinner on Saturday night. It didnt really feel like my birthday dinner as it was almost a week after my actual birthday but we still had a great time. 

On Saturday morning my boyfriend, my cousin and my friend from hobart all went to the christmas hills raspberry farm for brunch and it was delicious. I had full intentions of treating myself to something sweet like pancakes however when we arrived, I started craving something savoury so I ended up getting a fetta and leak tart with pumpkin salad and it was truly delicious. I also had a raspberry herbal tea and indulged in some chocolate coated raspberries for dessert. 

We then dropped my boyfriend back off at our place and us three girls headed into town to do some shopping. I as hoping to find something new to wear and eneded up getting a simple little jumpsuit which I planned to wear with some white heals. I then picked up two more friends and we all headed back to my place to have a few drinks and to socialise, before heading out for dinner. We arrived at the restaurant at about 7:45 where we met two more friends so there were 9 of us in total. I had never been to the restaurant we went to before but the food was incredible and it wasnt that expensive either. 

I had a dish called frenched chicken which was like a stuffed chicken that came served on a bed of sweet potato mash with steamed greens and a delicious sauce. It was one of the most delicious meals I have eaten for as long as I can rememeber and I scraped the plate clean. Luckily I still had just enough room for dessert so I had a banana split which came served with incredible caramel icecream as well as chocolate pieces and caramel popcorn. 

After dinner, we went out to a couple of bars where we danced and drank a little too, before heading home at about 1am. It was a great night and I had so much fun with all my closest friends! The following day I met two of the girls who had celebrated with me the night before and we went for a walk around the Cataract Gorge. It was really nice to get out in the fresh air and was a great way to end a wonderful weekend. I also spent some time doing a little study and preparing for the upcoming week at university.

Today I am starting a 4 week Herbalife Booty Lifestyle Wellness Challenge which I am quite excited about. Not only is the nutrition side of Herbalife incredible, but the community is amazing too. We all work together to motivate and inspire one another ti achieve our goals, no matter what they may be. For me, my goals are to continue improving my mindset, to nurture my body with the food, nutrition and exercise it deserves and to get stronger and gain muscle. 

I had to take some before pictures so that I can see the  physical progress I make over the next four weeks and when I compared them to the 'before picture' I took when I started my Herbalife program (almost 2 months ago) I was really surprised to see the transformation in my body. As well as gaining a kilogram I have become noticeaby stronger in my legs and arms and I am even starting to get a booty which I love! I am happy to post the progress pictures over the last two months if you like, just let me know!

I better leave this post here and go and get some study done. I have already been to the gym today so am feeling totally energetic and ready for the long day at uni I have ahea. I am also trying to take photos if everything I eat today so that I can do a photo food diary for the day xo stay tuned for that!:)

A little motivation to start the weekend

A busy few weeks

Over the last couple of weeks I have not had the time to write any blog posts as I have been so incredibely busy. Last week I had two days of work at McDonalds and the remainder of the week I spent studying for mid semester tests I had this week. It was actually mid semester break so I luckily didnt have any scheduled classes for the week however I still got lots of productive study done as was therefore well prepared for my tests.

Unlike this time 2 years ago when I was at university, I am now able to do other  things as well as study without expeeiencing overwhelming guilt, remain happy and stay relatively anxiety free. For instance all last week I studied when I could, but also went to a daily gym class and spent time with my boyfriend in the evenings, when he finished work. I now understand that taking breaks from study is bot something to feel guilty about, infact finding a healtgy balance between study, work and the rest of your life is essential.

I also didnt spend that much time studying over last weekend as my family came to Launceston Saturday so I caught up with them for my birthday as well as fathers day. Also as Sunday was Fathers day, we went out for lunch with Nathans family. I still got a few really productive hours of study done each day over the weekend though and since I had already gotten a lot of productive study done the week before, I was feeling well lrepared for my tests and anxiety free.

It was my 22nd birthday on Monday however I was so busy it didnt really feel like ny birthday. I went to ny usyal early norni g Pupmp class and then just revised before I did my first mid semester exam at midday. The exam went really well and despite the fact I had not spent every second leading up to the exam studying, I was well prepared and feeling good. This just proved to me how important it is to keep a balanced life ALWAYS and that getting PRODUCTIVE study done is the key to success at university. I had a couple of hours to spare before I needed to be back at uni for a tutorial so I spent it working on an assignment that was due on the Friday of this week (today).

As soon as my tutorial finished, I made the hour and a half drive to Ringarooma to my boyfriends parents house. My boyfriend spoilt me with lots of birthday presents including new Asics shoes, a nutritional pro to make my morning shakes in, a gorgeous silver bracelet, chocolates and a bottle of bacardi which is the type of alcohol I drink (not that I drink very often). He also got me a card and wrote a beautiful letter inside, which almost made me cry it was so sweet.

Nathan didnt want me driving all the way to his house on my birthday however I didnt want him driving all the way to me as he had done so much driving over the days leading up to that, including that morning when he drove from my place to work.I didnt mind driving as long as I got to spend the night with Nathan and his mum cooked my favourite Tea for me, roast chicken with vegetables and pavlova and cream with berries for dessert!

I made my way back to Launceston early on Tuesday morning as I had to work for 3 hours at McDonalds and wanted to get a couple of hours study done before hand. After work, I decided to go to a gym class as there really wasnt much more study I could do before my second mid semester exam the following day. I had already prepared myself so well for the test it was really only a matter of reading through all of the notes I had already made. After the gym class I had Tea and then just revised for another hour or so before getting an early night.

I woke up at 6am the following mornjng and studied until 9, before making my way to the university to sit my mid year exam. Like my other exam, it went well and I felt as though I was as prepared as I possible could have been, despite the fact that I hadnt spent every second leading up to the exam studying. I had managed to stay happy and healthy while studying for my exams and still felt really well prepared which is a huge accomplishment for me, given my history of perfectionism and intensive studying which lead to me being completely miserable last time I was at uni.

After my exam Wednesday Inwas feeling really tired so instead of going to the gym like I had planned to, I just rested instead and worked on my assignment. I got another early night Wednesday night and felt incredible when I woke up on Thursday morning so I went to my usual early morning Attack gym class which was a great class as I had so much energy. After that I headed back to my place to my place and had breakfast before watching a lecture. After lunch I started doing some of the housework I had neglected to do in my study week and also did ny grocery shopping and put the finishing touches on my assignment which is now ready to submit.  I Spent the evening with Nathan which was nice and now its Friday morning!

I have quite a big weekend coming up and this is already a long post so I think I will update you all on that early next week. I also aim to erite some recovery advice posts next week as I know I havent done this for a while now. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend! Xx

My dad, sister and I on Saturday

Weekend plans

Its Saturday morning and I am just writing a quick post before I head to a pump gym class. My boyfriend is working today so we were both awake relatively early this morning. I am feeling totally energised after having my morning Herbalife Shake and bowl of delicious oats and my mind is nice and clear.

My parents are coming up to Launceston (where I live) today to bring my little sister to a school event so I am going to meet them somewhere for lunch. I havent seen them all for a while now so it will be good to catch up with them, especially since tomorrow is fathers day. It is also my birthday Monday so it will be good to see my family today as otherwise I wouldnt have seen them for my birthday at all.

Tomorrow my boyfriend and I are meeting with all of his family at a restaurant for lunch too, so that we can celebrate fathers day. I love it how Nathans family are all so close and family orientated. And I also love the way his parents and siblings have accepted me into the family so well. His parents just treat me like another one of their children and I really enjoy ataying with them and spending time with them. I am also really close to Nathans siblings, especially the brother and sister that I live with all the time.

I will also have to spend a fair bit of time studying this weekend also as I have two mid semester tests next week. Surprisingly I am not really feeling stressed out about them at all and I am managing to keep a really healthy balanced life, despite having tests coming up. It helps that I am feeling relatively prepared for these tests as I have been getting lots of productive study done over the last week or so.

This time a few years ago I wouldnt have been able to have a single break from studying as the guilt would have been to much for me to deal with and my anxiety levels would have been through the roof. I am feeling great at the moment now though and know that it isnt healthy to study as much as I used to. I still study of course and do my best, however now I have other things in my life that are important too which allows me to stay happy and healthy whilst at university.

So those are my weekend plans, nothing too exciting just a quiet weekend spending time with family and my wonderful boyfriend. I hope you have a great weekend :) xx