How things have changed

It really amazing for me to look back now and see just how far I have come in the past 12 months. To really demonstrate this i thought I would do a comparison of my weekend this weekend to a typical weekend for me a year ago.

For starters, back then I was underweight with an extremely unhealthy bmi of only 14. Now however, my bmi is 19 which puts me within the healthy bmi range. I know that I am still thin but am just happy that I am a healthy weight for my height. I have quite a petite frame and my siblings and parents are all thin so as long as my mind stays healthy I am happy with my current weight and have no desire to change my weight.

A year ago, if someone had asked me if I liked my body or the way I looked, I would have said definetely not. But now, I can honestly say that i dont mind my body and how I look. I know that I am healthy and that is the most important thing!

This past weekend I have been out to a restaurant for two different meals as well as eating lunch at a bakery. Eating out like this was aomething that I would have found terrifying 12 months ago and would have avoided at all costs. Now however I love going out for meals, especially with my boyfriend.

I also went for tea at my parents house and ate tea which was prepared for me by my mum which is something I refused to do 12 months ago. The reason this terrified me so much back then was because I hated eating an unknown number of calories.

Now, although I do still keep a rough track of how much i eat most days (mainly because I seem to undereat if i dont), knowing exactly how many calories I eat really doesn't matter to me anymore. I have finally come to the realisation that its ok to eat more sometimes and that a little extra food wont hurt me or make me instantly gain heaps of weight.

I am also comfortable drinking alcohol when i got out with my boyfriend and friends which is something I never would have done. I no longer have a fear of consumimg liquid calories and find a lot of enjoyment in being sociable anddrinking with friends. I also drink things like hot chocolate or juice, which i would have considered to be a waste of calories, 12 months ago,  sinply because I feel like them and enjoy them.

I also have a much healthier relationship with exercise now. Unlike 12 months ago when I would have been incredibely anxious about walking any less then my usual amount, now it doesnt bother me. For example both yesterday and the day before I only took my dog for one walk instead of two as I usually would as I wanted to spend more time with my boyfriend. And today I barely went for a walk at all as it started to rain just as I left my house.

I really enjoy being active and being fit and healthy but at the same time exercising less then usual doesnt cause me any worry or concern as it ince would have. 12 months ago, walking a certain distance each day was a priority for me. Now however, I have other priorities that are more important to me like my boyfriend, my health and my hapiness.

12 months ago I was on medication for my anxiety and also medication for my skin. Now I dont feel as though i need any of these medications so don't take them. Since reaching a gealthy weight and nourishing my body and mind I feel as though I think so much more rationally and clearly. My skin is also so much clearer due to me stressing less and eating so much better.

12 months ago I suffered from insomnia and was therefore exhausted all the time and trying to function daily on almost no sleep. Now I honestly believe that the insomnia was simply die to me refusing to give my body the amount of food it truly needed and deserved. Now I have no trouble sleeping and can actually sleep in some days which is something I could never do.

I wanted to share how things have changed for me over the last year so that you can all see that it is possible to recover. Its not easy... in fact its probably the hardest thing you will ever do in your life. It was for me anyway. But please trust me when I say it is so worth it. Recovering may be the hardest thing you ever do but it is also the most wonderful. Because the life you have at the end of it is worth every bit of pain and anxiety. So please, keep fighting with all you've got. Believe in yourselves like I did and you could be where I am today in 12 months time!

Me and my boyfriend, who is without a doubt the most wonderful thing that has come out of my recovery