How bad body image contributed to my eating disorder

My body image issues started long before I ever developed anorexia. When I was really young, I was really quite thin and I was therefore confident in my body. As I got older, the first thing I started to hate about myself was my bum. I hated it and thought that it was way to big and I soon started to feel this way about my legs too.

There was nothing unhealthy about my body at that stage and I was still thinner than most other girls my age. However I think that the reason I didn't like it, was because I would compare myself to my brothers who were both skinny. I wanted to have no bum and skinny thighs like they had but now I can obviously see that boys and girls are built differently and are not suppoed to look the same.

As I got even older and went through puberty I developed a real hour glass figure. I had a very thin waist, which probably indicates that I was in fact healthy however my breasts got bigger, as did my bum and legs. My legs were never really fat, however they were very musclar which I still hated. At first I did not let my insecurities bother me and I just continued to live normally.

Eventually however I felt so awful about the way I looked that I coldn't ignore the way I felt about my body anymore. When I was in year 12 at boarding school, my bathroom had a full length mirror in it so I would see my whole body before I got into the shower each day and I hated every part of it. I started to get acne which just made me even more depressed and self conscious and the only way I thought I could make myself happy was by losing weight.

I think lots of things contributed to my bad body image. I think it was partly due to the fact that Iam a perfectionist and therefore was not happy with my body as I didn't believe it was perfect, as well as the fact that Iwas at a very athletic school where everyone seemed to be a lot skinnier than me. The fact that the boys in my family constantly teased me about my weight also made me more self conscious and of course the media affected me also.

Knowing what I now know, I so desperately wish I could turn back time as I know that losing weight was not going to solve any of my problems. I was a perfectly healthy weight and had no need to lose any weight. The problem was not with my body, but the way that I felt about it. Instead of deciding to lose the weight I didn't like, I wish I had decided to instead put more energy into learning to accept and love my body, the way it was supposed to be.

More on body image...

Weight & Body Image Disorders: Causes, Symptoms & Signs

Article Contents

• What is Negative or Distorted Body Image?
• Signs & Symptoms of Negative Body Image
• Causes of Negative Body Image
• Relationship Between Weight & Body Image
• Relationship Between An Eating Disorder & Body Image
• Treatment For Negative Body Image
• Weight & Body Image Articles

What is Negative or Distorted Body Image?

Body image refers to how people see themselves. Distorted body image (also called negative body image) refers to an unrealistic view of how someone sees their body.  Like eating disorders, it is seen most commonly in women, but many men also suffer from the disorder. You begin forming your perceptions of your body’s attractiveness, health, acceptability and functionality in early childhood.  This body image continues to form as you age and receive feedback from peers, family member, coaches, etc.  Personality traits such as perfectionism and self criticism can also influence the development of a negative internalized image of your body.

Love Yourself – A video for those who struggle with poor body image. As posted by: LoveLyLieKie

Signs & Symptoms of Negative Body Image

Symptoms of unhealthy or negative body image may include:

• obsessive self scrutiny in mirrors
• thinking disparaging comments about your body and frequent comparison of your own shape and size to other people
• envy or a friend’s body, or just as commonly: the body of a celebrity or someone else in the media.

Causes of Negative Body Image

Sometimes body image is negatively impacted by one or more significant events.  For example, a gymnast who is continually chided by her coach and fellow athletes to lose a little weight, may develop a deeply ingrained and long standing dissatisfaction with her body, no matter how thin she becomes.

If  you are concerned about your body image, here are some questions to ask yourself:

• Is my perception of beauty distorted from years of media exposure that glorifies a very thin ideal that is unrealistic for most people to obtain in a health manner?
• Do I find myself regularly criticizing my own appearance?

Relationship Between Weight & Body Image

A normally healthy weight range for an individual can be perceived as overweight by someone with a distorted body image.  An anorexic young woman may look at herself in a mirror and see a reflection that is greater than her actual size.  Conversely, it is not uncommon for obese individuals to report that they did not realize they were as large as they are and had perceived their body as much smaller until an occasion arises where they see a photograph, video or window reflection that strikes a nerve and causes them to come to terms with their actual image.

Relationship Between An Eating Disorder & Body Image

Body image concerns and eating disorders go hand in hand.  Often, it is the early dissatisfaction with a young person’s appearance that leads them to conclude that losing weight would enhance their appearance, and make them feel better about themselves and their bodies.  Thus, restrictive eating and over exercising are often next, frequently leading to patterns of disordered eating and weight obsession that can develop into anorexia, bulimia, orthorexia, compulsive overeating or binge eating disorder.

Treatment For Negative Body Image

Getting treatment for distorted body image is a critical step to recovery. The problem won’t just go away by itself.   Recognizing and acknowledging your feelings and accompanying body sensations will help you become more comfortable in your body and lessens the tendency to suppress feelings and revert to unhealthy, negative inner diatribes to escape uncomfortable feelings.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, an approach where irrational thoughts are recognized, analyzed and restructured to more rational self talk, is frequently used. Additionally, dance and movement therapy are often employed to develop a greater trust and appreciation of  one’s body based upon creating internal experiences, rather than simply evaluated one’s body aesthetically.

Many centers for eating disorder treatment specialize in body image awareness.

Slice from Karen Kennedy on Vimeo.

Karen Kennedy is a filmmaker and television producer in Los Angeles, California. For contact information, please email us.

Sourced from: http://www.eatingdisorderhope.com/information/body-image

Just another Saturday

It has been a lot warmer over the last few days which has been really nice although I havent really had any chance to enjoy it as I have been working so much :(. It's ok though as I dont mind working that much, its just that I get really tired very easily. I just neeed to remember to always eat the right amount and to get as much hsleep as possible so that I have enough energy to keep going.

I am still feeling nauseous all day everyday which is quie strange as I have no other symptoms of a stomach virus. Since thinking about what may have aused mmy nausea, I have decided it is most likely due to the fact that I have stopped taking my contraceptive pill. Afterall, I have been on it for 3 years so my body is probbly juts trying to adjust now that I am no longer taking it. I hope that this sick feeling soon passes however as it really isn't very nice.

I am now starting to question whether or not I made the right decision to take myself off of my pill. The only reason I was on n in the first place is because my doctor thought it may have made my periods less painful and it would also make my skin clearer but I honestly dont think that going on the pill helped either of these things. Now atleeast I will be able to tell whether or not my body is healthy enough for me to have my perios naturally or not.

Luckily, although I am feeling sick all the time I am still managing to get through all of my meals. I always feel especially sick after my meals but I know that I need to eat my full intake amount each day, regardless of this. When I got home from work today I made myself a yummy tea of fish fingers with tomato sauce and  mashed pottato, peas, carrots, pumpkin and broccolli.

After tea Itook Tess for a walk out in the dark and as Iwalked I talked to my little sister on the phone. I try to ring Amy most days as I like to hear that she is ok, as otherwise I find myself really worrying about her. She seemed happy enough which is good although I don't think things are very good at home at the moment :( At least she knows that I am here for her if she ever needs me.

I have been up since about 4 am this morning so am feeling exhausted after a long day at work. Since I have already had dessert, I think I will just go to bed now and try and get some sleep. Goodnight Everyone. I hope that you are having a wonderful weekend <3 xx

The importance of good Body image

I honestlly think that developing  a positive self body image is essential in order to make a full recovery from anorexia. I believe that we must not only become weight restored in order to recover, but that we must also learn to love our bodies at that new weight, in order to live the happy andd healthy lives that we all deserve to live.

Firstly, I think that it is necessay for us all to truly believe that we do not need to be skinny to be beautiful. In fact, being thin does not make us look attractive at all if we are not naturally suppposed to be that way. The way our anorexia will make us look is not beautiful at all and it also doesnt make us happy, so why should we put ourselves through so much pain to achieve this thinness?

I think that if you asked anyone (who wasn't anorexic) who was more attractive in this picture, they would say the girl on the right. I think that the girl on the right so much more gorgeous and f I had to choose a girl I had to look like, I would choose the girl on the right for sure!  

I have always had an unrealistic expectation of myself to be really thin, which I suppose is due to me being such a perfectionist. I think that society made me believe that fat was bad and therefore I didn't want to have any on my body at all. So even if I only had a tiny bit in a cerain place, I wasn't happy. Even when I was literally skin and bone I would still find parts of my body that I thought were too big. 

Everytime I start feeling 'fat' or self conscious, I always remind myself that this is only my anorexia lying to me. There is nothing wrong with the way I now look, besides the fact that I still need to gain more weight. I certainly am not fat in any way. We need to remember that there is nothing wrong with having some fat on our bodies, in fact it is essential. 

While I do not struggle with terriblly bad body image at the moment, I know hat I will struggle with it more an dmore the closer I get to my natural set point weight. I am determined however to not let this stop me from becoming the size I am supposed to be, so that my body and mind can work efficiently and healthily. Once I reach this weight I may hate it for a while but I WILL NOT try to fix this by losing weight again. Instead I will try and change the way I feel about my body.

To me, recovering does not only mean reaching my healthy natural weight. It also means being able to look in the mirror at that weight and to be happy with what I see. When I am recovered I will be able truly appreciate all of the wonderful things my body can do for me. feeling self conscious about your body sometims is normal for everyone, but the key is to learn not to act upon these feelings by changing the way we look. 

So if you are struggling with your body image, I suggest making your ultimate recovery goal to not only reach a healtthy weight FOR YOU. But also to learn to love yourself at this weight. As only then will you be able to be truly happy and healthy!  

Positive body image

Quite a few of the people who read my blog are currently struggling with their body image so I am going to try and write some posts on how to develop a better body image and why it is so important. So if you are also currently struggling with this, keep an eye out on my blog over the next few days as I will try and write some helpful posts for you.

Here are some important reminders that we all need to remember in regards to body image;

My anorexia still controls me sometimes

A few nights ago, something happened that made me realise that while I my have learnt to control my anorexic thoughts a lot more now, they are still strong enough to control me sometimes too. I was working quite late at the supermarket and my nan came in and told me that it didn't matter if I didn't have a chance to walk Tess my dog, as she had walked her for me. The first emotion I felt was anger. I obviously didn't want to be rude to me nan so I just said in a half jokingly way "Naaaaan, you shouldn't have done that".

Once my nan left I still felt annoyed about the fact that she had walked Tess for me and considered walking her again anyway. I first put this down to the fact that I am very independant and dont really like other people doing things for me but I knew deep down that there was more to it than that. When I really thought about it, I realised that it was my anorexia that was so incredibely angry that my nan had walked Tess for me, as it meant that I no longer had to do it, meaning I would not get as much exercise for the day.

As soon as I realised that these were anorexic thoughts I was having, I knew that I couldn't listen to them and that I therefore couldn't walk Tess again that night. I then started feeling guilty about how I had spoken to my nan. I wasn't incredibely nasty or anything but I think she would have realised that I wasnt happy that she had walked Tess. When I got home I rang my nan and thanked her for walking Tess for me. I told her that I was very grateful not to have to go back out in the cold again that night and she seemed happy that I had called.

If someone would have asked me before this happened if my anorexia ever still controls the way I act, I probably would have said that it didn't. I would have said that while I still have anorexic thoughts, I do not act upon them. This particular experience showed me that my anorexia still does have the ability to affect my actions however. This tells me that while I am recovering, I still have a lot more progress to make and I still need to be very careful that I do not accidently act at upon my anorexic thoughts. Afterall, acting on these thoughts will only give my anorexia strength and set me back in my recovery.

Feeling tired and unwell

My stomach has been in a knot all day and I cant work out whether it is because I am feeling so anxious about what has been going on with my mum, or if I actually have some type of virus that is making me sick. I desparately hope that it is only anxiety but I have a really bad feeling that it could be a stomach bug as there are quite a few going aroound at the moment. Getting a stomach bug is one of my greatest fears and for a number of reasons.

Firstly, ever since I made my self sick back whilst my anorexia was developing back in 2012 I have hated the though of vomiting. I realise that nobody likes vomiting but since putting myself through so much pain whilst purging, I am now terrified of vomiting. Also I am really scared of not being able to eat my normal amounts of food and also the possibility of me losing weight.

When I got these types of viruses as a child I would always get really sick, being unable to hold any food or water down for days and days. I would always lose 3 or 4 kilograms everytime I got sick annd I worry that if I got sick again now, the same thing would happen which would mean a lot of the good I have done in the recent past would be all be undone.

I just desperately hope that Iam overreacting and that my sick feeling soon passes. Unfortunately I have to work all weekend at the supermarket, so I wont even get a chance to rest a lot. I shouldn't complain though as Ireally do need the money. My plan is to get a good nights sleep tonight an dto hopefully wake up tomorrow feeling as right as rain.

I hope that everyone has a fantastic weekend.