Friday, 15 April 2016
When people try to help you....
When I was at my sickest with anorexia, I wouldnt let anyone try and help me and if anyone tried to give me advice or help me in any way, I would get incredibely angry with them. The thing was, a lot of the time I knew what they were saying was right however it was just too hard for me to actually listen. I was living in denial I guess, and hated people telling me what I needed to do, even if I knew they were right.
This caused me to push away some of the people I was closest too, as I couldnt handle them trying to interfere with how I was living. I suppose the anger that came through was actually my anorexia, as my anorexia hated anyone who questioned my behaviours or told me to change. I wish now I had been more open about how I felt and had just explained to the people around me that although I knew what they were saying was right, it wasnt as simple as 'just doing' what they said I should do.
Afterall getting angry at the people I loved and pushing them away only made me feel more alone and helpless. So instead of just yelling and screaming when your loved one suggests you need to eat more or stop a behaviour. Try to talk to them about it rationally instead. Explain to them that you know they are right, but you just dont feel strong enough to actually do what they are telling you to do. Atleast then your loved ones will realise you arent just ignoring them and that you do understand what they are saying.
Even now, I still get quite agitated whenever someone questions what I eat or how much I exercise. Also, I get quite distraught when my boyfriend asks me if he can weigh me. I know that he only does this to make sure I havent lost weight and because he loves me but i still really struggle with it. Standing on the scale in front of someone causes me ALOT of anxiety and my instant reacyion when he asks to weigh me os to get angry. So i just have to be very careful not to get angry and to just remember that he only wants to make sure I am ok.
Whilst I was struggling with anorexia, I had a wonderful relationship with my dad however I had a terrible relationship with my mum. And I know that this is only because mum continued to try and help me, when I simply couldnt be helped. Also my mum couldnt contain her emotions or frustration so she expressed herself by getting angry, yelling and screaming. My dad however fortunately realised very early on that getting angry didnt help the situation, nor did telling what i needed to do. He realised that he couldnt really help me to get better, that i needed to get better myself and so he just let me know he was there for me, whilst I was doing that.