These days I always seem to have a bag of lollies open and sitting in my kitchen which I can grab whenerver I feel like something sweet. I also grab fruit such as berries, applees of kiwi fruits in the same manner. I suppose I just dont care so much about the exact numbers of caloories I eat, because I know that eating more sometimes cant and wont hurt me. Also, even though my main meals and snacks are usually based around an approximate number of calories, I dont care if I eat more at those anymore either.
For example my dessert each night is usually about 1200 kJ however last night what I felt like didn't fit into that amount, so I just ate what I wanted and idn't put another thought into the matter. The extra food did not hurt me or make me gain weight, my body wold have just used it some other way or perhaps it was stored to be used when my body needs a little extra energy. I wasn't particlarly hungry for extra food but i just felt like eatig a combination of foods that would not fit into my usual calorie target, but I ate them anyway. To me, being able to do this is what it means to have a healthy reationship with food and I really couldn't be happier!
In a way, I feel as though I am cheating in reovery as I am not even really trying to get bettter anymore, however it is just continuing to happen as I live my life. As long as I continue to nurture my body and mind, I really do believe I am on track to making a full recovery which excites me so muh. Sometimes, to think of never having anorexic thoughts at all seems very impossible but I know that its not... Afterall, look at all of the 'impossible' things I have overcome so far in my recovery.
A very important thing to remember, for all of my readers who are currently fighting is that if I can do it, then so can you. I am not a particularly brave or strong person, nor am I any more capable of recovery then you are. You can do this, I know you can! Please believe me when I say that all you have to do in order to recover is believe you can do it and never give up. Remember that no matter how hard it may seem to fight your anorexia sometimes, it is never too hard. You can always do it if that is what you truly want to do. It may be painful, but I promise you with all my heart that it is definetely worth it <3