Tuesday, 6 October 2015

Alcoholic Parent

I certainly do not blame anyone fo my illness but I do believe that having an acoholic mother for the last 10 years has contributed to both my anxiety and anorexia significantly. I found the following article and was shocked to see that I have experienced amost every single 'trait' or feeling that was listed on the page. In fact, I still feel as though my currrent personality is still characterised by all of those things. I suppose the most important this is that I don't allow myself to use these things badly, but insead use them to positively in my life.

My mum has actually stopeed drinking in the last few months whch I am really proud of her for doing. Although it hasn't really changed my life all that much as Ihad moved out anyway, I suppose the reason I am happiest about this is because this will hopefully stop Amy from being hurt as I was, which will hopefully ensure that she never develops an eating disorder or any other illness either. Also, I am glad that my dad no longer has to put up with my mum being drunk all the timme too as she really was awful wheneer she was drinking (which was all the time).

While I am not going to share the entire article with you, as you may not be intereste din it if you do not have an alcoholic parent, I will share with you a list of the typical characteristics of children of alcoholics and also the link to the artilcle (http://www.thisisawar.com/AddictionAlcoholChild.htm). Other traits that were mentioned in he article htat were not included in the following list which I could relate too were always beinng very sensible, finding it difficult to have fun and being approval seeking. The article even said that 'anorexia and bulimia are also common amongst cildren of alcoholics.' which I found very interesting. 

Further characteristics:

1. We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures;

2. We became approval seekers and lost our own identity in the process;

3. We are frightened by angry people and personal criticism;

4. We either became alcoholics, married them, or found another compulsive personality, such as a workaholic, to fulfill our need for and expectation of abandonment;

5. We live life from the viewpoint of helping and seeking victims, and we are attracted by that weakness in our relationships;

6. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility, and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than with ourselves;

7. We suffer guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves; instead, we give in to others;

8. We confuse love with pity and tend to "love" people we can pity and rescue;

9. We have suppressed our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or to honestly express our feelings. Rationalization seems far easier;

10. We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem. We sometimes compensate for this sense of inferiority by trying to appear superior;

11. We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment. We will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience the pain of abandonment;

12. We became para-alcoholic, taking on the characteristics of alcoholism even though we did not pick up the drink;

13. We became compulsive and obsessive in our behavior;

14. We are unknowingly trying to recreate the chaotic lifestyle with which we are familiar;

15. We are afraid of intimacy and have difficulty forming close intimate relationships;

16. We became aware of feelings which seem to separate us from others, and we find ourselves depressed. Depression is endemic in dysfunctional families

Growing up, I felt incredibely alone when I ad to try and deal with an alcoholic prent by myslef. Please, if you are going through something similar to this and feel as though you need to talk to someone, please feel free to contact me. I would be more then willing to help you through it in any way I possibly can. If you would like to talk to anyone bout this or anything else, my email address is karlygraham94@gmail.com

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