Saturday, 10 October 2015
My thoughts on a Readers comment
You have done and continue to do an amazing job Karly. Pleases remember that although you are at a low end of healthy weight you are still actually very slim and just border line of healthy. There are some thoughts which won't go away until you reach your set point and feed yourself for long enough. You need to ask yourself if you are truly at your set point or if you are sub consciously stopping yourself from going further than you want to. I am so proud of how far you have come and utterly in awe of your fighting spirit. I know that if you do need to keep going with your weight, that deep down you will know what the right thing to do is. xxx
Firstly, I just want to say thank you so much to the person who left this comment. I have taken in everything you have said and I appreciate your honesty so much. :) Your comment has made me think a lot about my current stance in recovery and has made me question whether I am weight restored or not. I thought I would share some of my thoughts on this with everyone as everything always seems much clearer, when I write it out in a post. I would also be very interested to hear some feedback from some of my other readers too.
The person who left this comment was so right when they said I am only at the very low end of a healthy weight range. Sometimes I forget this as I am so much bigger then I used to be but I really am still quite thin. Since my bmi is only 19, and anything under 18.5 is classified as underweight, I am basically at a minimally acceptable weight for my height. I guess I have been kidding myself a little though as just because my current weight is 'acceptable,' this does not mean that it is my natural set point weight.
It's just so hard to know what my natural healthy setpoint weight is. Genetically, I am not supposed to be a very big person. In fact, both my brother and dad are underweight and my mum is very thin also. In saying this, I know I shouldn't use this as excuse if it just means that I am sub consciously stopping myself from reaching my set point weight. Afterall, if I am stopping myself from reaching my natural healthy set point weight, then I am only hurting myself and my recovery.
I am still eating 2500 calories per day, which is classified as recovery amounts of food for some. I figured that if I was still not yet at my healthy set point, I would continue to slowly gain whilst eating this amount and that if I was already weight restored, I would maintain my weight at this intake. I know I shouldnt just assume that I am weight restored because I am no longer gaining weight though. Afterall I am very active and do a lot of walking which could prevent me from gaining weight, even if my body still needs too.
Sub consciously, I guess I could be stopping myself from gaining weight because the truth is, I like my body the way it currently is and dont want it to change. Yes, it may be my anorexia making me so frightened of gaining weight but I remember back to how unhappy I was with my body before I developed anorexia and I am terrified of ever feeling that way again. I am currently able to accept my body the way it is and this really is the most wonderful feeling for me.
I hope that I am not making any of my readers dissappoointed when I say that at this stage I do not plan on making any big changes to try and gain weight as I honestly dont know if I actually need to or not. The reader who made this comment bought up an incredibly important point when they said that certain thoughts would not go away until I was at my natural set point weight. I can still feel myself getting stronger and making recovery progress all the time at this stage but if ever a day comes that I stop making recovery progress and I still have anorexic thoughts, I know that I will then need to gain more weight in order to get rid of them.