Firstly, I just want to say thank you so much to the person who left this comment. I have taken in everything you have said and I appreciate your honesty so much. :) Your comment has made me think a lot about my current stance in recovery and has made me question whether I am weight restored or not. I thought I would share some of my thoughts on this with everyone as everything always seems much clearer, when I write it out in a post. I would also be very interested to hear some feedback from some of my other readers too.
The person who left this comment was so right when they said I am only at the very low end of a healthy weight range. Sometimes I forget this as I am so much bigger then I used to be but I really am still quite thin. Since my bmi is only 19, and anything under 18.5 is classified as underweight, I am basically at a minimally acceptable weight for my height. I guess I have been kidding myself a little though as just because my current weight is 'acceptable,' this does not mean that it is my natural set point weight.
It's just so hard to know what my natural healthy setpoint weight is. Genetically, I am not supposed to be a very big person. In fact, both my brother and dad are underweight and my mum is very thin also. In saying this, I know I shouldn't use this as excuse if it just means that I am sub consciously stopping myself from reaching my set point weight. Afterall, if I am stopping myself from reaching my natural healthy set point weight, then I am only hurting myself and my recovery.
I am still eating 2500 calories per day, which is classified as recovery amounts of food for some. I figured that if I was still not yet at my healthy set point, I would continue to slowly gain whilst eating this amount and that if I was already weight restored, I would maintain my weight at this intake. I know I shouldnt just assume that I am weight restored because I am no longer gaining weight though. Afterall I am very active and do a lot of walking which could prevent me from gaining weight, even if my body still needs too.
Sub consciously, I guess I could be stopping myself from gaining weight because the truth is, I like my body the way it currently is and dont want it to change. Yes, it may be my anorexia making me so frightened of gaining weight but I remember back to how unhappy I was with my body before I developed anorexia and I am terrified of ever feeling that way again. I am currently able to accept my body the way it is and this really is the most wonderful feeling for me.
I hope that I am not making any of my readers dissappoointed when I say that at this stage I do not plan on making any big changes to try and gain weight as I honestly dont know if I actually need to or not. The reader who made this comment bought up an incredibly important point when they said that certain thoughts would not go away until I was at my natural set point weight. I can still feel myself getting stronger and making recovery progress all the time at this stage but if ever a day comes that I stop making recovery progress and I still have anorexic thoughts, I know that I will then need to gain more weight in order to get rid of them.
Wow Karly, I am so glad you didn't take it the wrong way. I really want the best for you and just felt the need to point it out, to remind you rather than not. It is something to be vigilant about I guess as many people in recovery believe that they are fine at a lower BMI. Has your period come back? That a good way to tell that you are at least going ok. I think this part of recovery is one of the hardest parts and you are doing so well. I know, as I have been there myself. I would hate to see you go through more torment like I did. 2-3 more kg doesn't make any difference to how you look once you are a healthy weight I promise, but it does make a huge difference to your thinking :)
ReplyDeleteOf course not! I just think it is lovely that someone cares enough to voice there concern.
DeleteI am back in the pill which was probably a bad thing to do as now I cant use my natural period as an indicator of whether I am healthy or not.
Your right though, 2-3 kilograms really wouldn't make much difference, to how I look but it does have the potential to positively affect my thinking. Xxx
Personally, I agree with the above comment and the original comment that you are probably not at your set point. I think that you are still quite thin and maybe aren't completely physically recovered yet? I, like the above reader, also agree that 2-3kg won't make any difference to how you look, and I feel that it is better to fully fully recover as opposed to 'recover, but not too much.' However, I also agree that you are doing fantastically and should be so proud of yourself! x
ReplyDeleteThank you for be honest with me, I really do appreciate it. ! <3 full recovery is definetely what I want to achieve and if that means gaining more weight, then that is what I will do. X
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ReplyDeleteAs the other comments have mentioned, one of the most important indicators that your body is healthy is having a natural period. I think that once you are having your period naturally for several consecutive months it is a good indication that your body is healthy and happy. I know you mentioned coming off the pill a couple of months ago. How have things gone since then? Also, I know you said that your GP was happy with your weight as you exceeded the target weight she set you but perhaps you could talk to her about reaching your natural set point and indicators to show when you reach this such as natural periods. Regardless of all that I've just written, I think you've done an amazing job with your recovery and it has been inspiring watching you as I've been a reader from the beginning of your blog
ReplyDeletehi! I went back on the pill before my period returned naturally which was probably a bad move but my doctor wanted me too.
DeleteThank you so much for reading my blog and actually listening to everything I say. Thats a good idea about talking to my gp about getting to my natural set point weight and not just to a healthy weight.
Thanks again for your lovely comments and helpful insight <3 xxx
Karly, I think you have done fabulous and it makes me feel so happy to see how far you have come. Its so nice to see that your happy experiencing doing things with your sister, work and daily life now that you are on the path to recovery! I also agree with the comments above. I know you have reached what is considered a helathy bmi but you are still only just above the 'line', although this is the case is doesn't neccessarily mean that you are your healthy setpoint. Natural periods are a good indicator! I also understand that you are eating recovery amounts however the last couple of kg are extrememly hard to gain. A lot of people at this stage require nutritional drinks, juice at all meals, additional sandwiches....extra extra extra at every meal.
ReplyDeleteI want to reinforce though that you should be very proud of yourself! Look how far you've come! You'd probably look back and think "wow, i could have never done this".... but you have! Go YOU!
Your right, I honestly thought that doing what I have done was impossible once. I am so glad I have done it though. It has been worth every bit of pain! X
DeleteFull recovery is what I definetely want though so if I find I need to gain more weight to do that, I will :) xx
I agree with everyone here. You should be so proud of yourself Karly. You are quite amazing and so open with al that you have been through. I thought I'd just remind you though, that not all doctors are trained in how to deal with eating disorder patients. Most doctors in Australia will require patients to reach a minimum of BMI 20 in their recovery. Usually if your set point is lower than this your body will settle back to where it wants to be over time. I am not trying to put your doctor down, but setting a BMI of 18.5 for recovery is not really best practice for Australian doctors. I promise that a few extra kilograms, 2-3 kg will not make much difference to you. I know! The same thing happened to me :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for reassuring me that gaining the extra weight will be ok. Knowing that others have been through what I am experiencing helps me so much. Which is why share my own experiences, in the hope I can inspire others too. <3
DeleteThanks again for your insight, I really appreciate it! Xx
Karly, it is so good to see you have responded ok to this comment. I agree with the person who wrote it and your response is very insightful and honest . You said that before your anorexia start that you did not feel happy about your body and that you don't want that to happen again. What you need to do Karly is ask yourself why you thought this and what led you to feel unhappy about yourself. If as you say, you are genetically small, then you cannot have been so big that you were unhappy. Instead, like many with eating disorders, there may have been an outside factor which led you to feel this way. Was it something in your family, school, friendship group? It is only when you address this and realise that your weight wont make any difference to your life, that you can move on to the last stages of your recovery and as others have said, a few more kg might help you to do this mentally as if you are not at your set point, you will continue to still have negative/anorexic thoughts like you described. Hope this helps. xx
ReplyDeleteOf course! I have been overwjelmed my everyones honestly and support and it means a lot to know jyst how much everyone cares.x
DeleteBefore my anorexia when I was unhappy with my body, I would honestly say that I was above my natural set point weight. All I did was study all the time abd due to injuries, I was extremely inactive. I also over ate too. So I was never over weight but I really do think I was carrying some extra weight. X
Your comment has helped a lot so thank you. <3