Anorexia and Anxiety

Like lots of others who suffer from an eating disorder, I also suffer from anxiety. I do not believe that my eating disorder caused my anxiety as I was very anxious and insecure as a child, long before I developed anorexia. If anything I would say that my anxiety contributed to me developing anorexia. While I never considered myself to have anxiety when I was younger, looking back I know that I definetely did.

I hated going to bed of a night when I was a kid as I would lay there for what felt like hours, terrified that something bad would happen in the night. I was frightened the house could burn down, a murderer would come or someone would try and break in. I was a frequent sleep walker and my mum would often find me sobbing and very distressed in the hallway in the middle of the night. When she asked me what was wrong I would reply through tears 'I don't know.' Mum would try to calm me down and put me back to bed but I never remembered it in the morning.


Numerous times throughout my life I remember going into a strange state that until now I was unable to explain. Sometimes it would happen while I was laying in bed trying to get to sleep, other times it would happen while I was at school in stressful situations. All of a sudden the world around me would go really quiet and all I would be able to hear is my heart beat pulsing loudly and ringing in my ears. I would feel really confused, disorientated and scared while it was happening and had no idea of the amount of time that was passing. Now I know that these little episodes were in fact panic attacks but at the time I had no idea what they were. I never told anyone about it when it would happen as I couldn't explain what was happening I thought that something was wrong with me.

It wasn't until I got to college and was placed in various stressful situations that would bring on these attacks that I realised it was some type of panic attack. I knew that something was wrong when I could barely read a page out of a novel in front of year my 11 english class without feeling as though I couldn't breathe and that my heart was going to beat out of my chest. My voice would quiver and shake which was really embarrasing and made me even more anxious about public speaking.

As well as being party responsible for the development of my anorexia, I also think that my anxiety has prolonged the amount of time I have been sick. I feel as though I would have been able to recover much sooner if it wasn't for my anxiety. The reason I listened to my anorexia for so long is because I felt as though the anxiety I would feel if I went against my anorexic thoughts was unbearable.

I wish I could say that I was able to overcome this anxiety on my own but this is not the case. The truth is, I have only felt as though it was possible to fight my anorexia since going on anti-anxiety medication. My doctor has wanted me to take medication for my anxiety for years but until a few months ago, I had refused. I felt like taking medication would be a sign of weakness but now I know that I was wrong to feel this way. There is nothing weak about accepting help when you need it. Accepting that I was not going to recover on my own and doing what I needed to do in order to recover is one of the bravest things I have ever done.

Please, if you suffer from anxiety and are trying to recover from an eating disorder, don't completely eliminate the idea of taking anti-anxiety medication. I know that it feels like a big deal but it is honestly one of the best desicions I have ever made in regards to my recovery. No, taking medication doesn't make the anxiety go away completely, but it does make the anxiety more bearable. I don't think I would have been able to progress as far as I have without it and haven't regretted my decision to take the medication for a moment.