My weekly weigh in

It is exactly one week since I weighed myself and increased my calorie intake so I knew that I had to weigh myself again this morning to see if I had gained weight. I was feeling really hopeful as I have been reaching my new calorie goal everyday and have not been compensating in anyway.  I stepped on the scales and was very dissappointed to see I weighed exactely the same as I did one week ago. Firstly, I felt bad about myself, like I had let myself down. After thinking about it for a while I realised that I wasn't really being fair to myself.

The truth is, although I didn't gain weight this week, I still made progress in my recovery. I still managed to reach my new calorie goal every single day. I probably ate more calories in the past week than I have in any other week of my life and this is something I should be proud of. Sure, it would have been better if I had gained weight but atleast now I know that my body needs even more food to continue repairing. I am not going to let this dissapointment get me down, I am just going to keep fighting which is all I can do. I am quite used to eating big portions and I can currently eat all of my meals without feeling too full or uncomfortable afterwards. While it is nice to be able to eat all of my meals comfortably, I know that recovery wasn't ever supposed to be easy and if eating even bigger portions and making myself feel a little uncomfortable is what I need to do to gain the required weight, then that is what I will do.  

I know that I eat a lot of fruit throughout the day and while I enjoy it and fruit is really good for you, I am planning on substituting one of my serves of fruit with a higher calorie option. Usually for Morning Tea I have some fruit as well as some type of cake (muffin, lamington or slice). From now on I plan to to still have the cake but instead of having fruit with it I will have an Up and Go meal replacemet drink. I love fruit and enjoy eating lots of it each day but considering I generally have it as a part of my breakfast, lunch, afternoon Tea and dessert as well, I shouldn't miss it too much. I think 4 serves of fruit a day, is still plenty ;).

While it is good to eat fear foods in recovery and they can help you to gain weight, I also like to eat healthy foods with them. That is why I have generally always had a sweeter more 'unhealthy' option like cake or a chocolate bar along side a piece of fruit. It was my way of eating a large number of calories while still eating a relatively balanced diet. This is why I also eat lots of vegetables and lots of dairy products which are rich in calcium. I think It is important that I give my body all of the vitamins and minerals that it needs so that it can be repaired, as well as just lots of energy in the form of calories. 

I don't feel really extremely scared about once again increasing my calorie intake and I think that it is because after being underweight for so long, I am finally ready to recover. I know that it's not going to be easy and once I start getting closer to my goal weight I will feel more and more uncomfortable with my body but I am determined not to give up. I deserve to be free of Anorexia and enjoy my life. Up until now, I haven't felt as though I was strong enough to recover but now I do. Blogging has really helped me to find the extra strength inside of me that I needed to really kick anorexias arse, and that is exactely what I plan to do!