Friday 24 April 2015

Binging in Anorexia Recovery

I know that it is quite common for people who have suffered from restrictive eating disorders to experience binging after they start eating larger amount in recovery and this is something that I am really scared of. When I talk about binging, I don't just mean eating lots as obviously this is what all anorexics need to do while they are recovering. While I have stuck to my meal plan really well so far and have never felt as though I have lost control over what I am eating, I still worry that it could happen to me as it is so common in recovery.

One of the reasons I am so terrified of binging is because I know how guilty and awful I would feel and this may lead me feeling as though need to purge. While I haven't purged over the last 3 years, I did do it very early on in my eating disorder and it was by far the most awful thing I have ever done to myself. I honestly think that my anorexia started as the purge type anorexia and then transformed into the restrictive type. When I was admitted to hospital early on in my illness I made a promise to myself that I would never make myself vomit again and that I would not put myself in a position so that I would feel tempted to do so ever again either.

I try not to think about it too much as was so awful but it was extremely painful and made me feel very ashamed. For me, it wasn't easy to make myself vomit so It would take me a long time to get rid of what I had eaten. When I finished my stomach muscles would be really sore, as was my throat and my hand. I still have a scar over my knuckle from where it repeatedly rubbed over my teeth as I made myself vomit and I am really surprised no one ever noticed it when I was purging as it would have been an obvious give away for anyone who had any knowledge about eating disorders. 

I understand why binges happen in anorexic recovery and if you want to learn more about it, you should click here. I get that it is a natural response when your body is reintroduced to food after being deprived for so long, but that does not mean I want it to happen to me. While I know that the extra food consumed in a binge wouldn't necessarily be bad in terms of my physical recovery, I know that it it would be very damaging psychologically For me. I am finally really enjoying food again and I dont want to make myself feel bad about eating it, which is what would happen if I binged. There is also always the risk of developing a secondary eating disorder like Binge Eating Disorder which I obviously want to avoid as well.

Does anyone else have these types of worries while recovering? Or does anyone have any advice about how to prevent binging in recovery?  





1 comment:

  1. Congratulations on your progress in battling restrictive anorexia. To prevent binging, I only eat with supportive family members and friends. Parties and dining out with friends can lead to mindless eating. To prevent purging, I find motivation in my dental care. Poor nutrition and vomiting destroys teeth. Being toothless scares me. Find the motivation that works for you. Good luck.

    Margaretta Cloutier @ AspireWellnessCenter

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